Nice guys finish last! If you want to get a date, be a jerk. No need to be good. Women won’t appreciate you“. That sarcastic expression has become more widespread today among boys and men.

Since long time ago it had been a very frustrating phenomenon for most, who consider themselves, nice and good guys.

They can not understand why so many good and pretty girls fall into those bad guys’ hands while there are a lot of other much better reputed guys around.

And worse than that, it often seems that it is the girls who chase those jerks instead of the opposite.

No, it’s not because those girls don’t know about those guys’ bad reputation with women. Everybody knows that. In fact, the smell of their stinks precede them everywhere they go.

And it’s not that those good and nice girls are from a distant world. They live here in the neighborhood, among us. They must have known exactly who those guys are, how they treated girls and women before. But still, they choose to be with those bad boys instead.

The Controversy

In their common sense, no women will choose a bad man over a gentleman. They’ll all say that they want somebody that will treat them well and respect them. That’s what they always say. But when it comes to realities, they choose those bad-reputed guys instead!

That phenomenon is real. We can easily spot that in everyday lives. There are even many poems and songs written about it.

But, the funny thing is, when you present it to young females out there, about how nice guys finish last when it comes to dating, many of them will jump all over you and completely disagree… even to the extent of making up excuses to “redefine” those ill-reputed guys as the genuinely good ones – who were unfairly-judged by the society – and all the nice guys as a band of wolves in sheep’s clothing doh emo

Nice Guys Finish Last: Why

Alright girls, if you read this too, I don’t want to argue with you here. I just want to help fellow guys to understand this “nice guys finish last” phenomenon. I hope my knowledge and experience can help them, and in time…. you, too, if those good guys have learned something on how to make you become more attracted to them.

And don’t worry, I’ll try to be as fair as I can. I’ll also list your arguments on why you turned yourself to those bad boys later (And if you feel that you need to share something, you can do so here).

Okay, enough talking. Now let’s discuss why nice guys finish last, why girls are so attracted to guys who our society considers as bad. There must be something we can learn from it.


Confidence that bad men show are the qualities that women seek in men. These qualities give the impression of strength, and women are known to be fond of strong men.

Unfortunately, nice guys hardly shows this quality. Their “too nice” attitude makes them seen as guys with no or lack of confidence. This is the root cause of the “nice guys finish last” phenomenon.


Everyone loves to laugh. They like it to feel happy and fun. Girls are no exception.

This is another area where nice guys finish last in getting a date from a girl. Why? Because usually they become too nervous to talk to the girl they like, let alone telling a joke or bringing fun to the conversation.

Bad boys don’t have that nervousness. It helps them a lot in making their meeting with the girls fun and exciting.


Dominance of others may irritate you, but it’s not the case with women. While intellectually dominance might not be attractive, it can be an important factor to attract women sexually.

Unlike nice guys who often presents themselves as if they were “asexual”, bad guys hardly hide their intentions for sex.

For some women, that alone can make their attraction level goes up highly for they can know for sure that someone finds them attractive and sexy.

On the other hand, the asexual approach by the a nice guy can make a woman doubting her attractiveness. She might think that she’s not attractive enough to him.

No wonder then nice guys finish last with this type of women.

Leading quality

Women loves to be lead. They need someone who can lead and protect them. And bad boys give them just what they need: a feeling of being lead and protected!

Of course it’s a false impression because usually all that bad boys care of are just themselves (otherwise they won’t fit into the bad boys category).

But nice guys, instead of leading, they usually give the control over to the woman by, for example, asking her where she wants to go for the date. A mistake! One more cause why nice guys finish last!

It is YOU who should decide where to date and when. Only when she objects then you may ask for her suggestion.

Self esteem

A bad boy doesn’t shows neediness to a woman, no matter how beautiful she is. He never acts as if his existence were built around her or as if he could not live without her. What a total contrary to what many nice guys doing.

Friends, if this is how you usually behave when you’re chasing a girl, stop that. Change your mindset and value yourself more. No one will value you more than you value yourself!

Think about this: if you need her so badly to make your life “more livable”, then it means you don’t think your life is good enough. If you, yourself, don’t even think that your life is interesting enough, why would somebody else think it is?

Why should she be interested in it and want enter it? Or allow you to enter into hers, bringing your boring life into her world?

Show her your quality first. Respect yourself. Show her that you have a beautiful life that is invaluable. Make her want to enter it and become part of it!

Bad boys’ indifference, cocky and funny attitudes

Because of their insecurity and shyness, nice guys are often too available, too nice to the girl they like. They compliment too easily and too much.

Little that they know that doing that will backfire. It gives the impression of artificiality, fake, too good to be true… and boring.

On the contrary, bad guys won’t always be there when she needs them. And they won’t be afraid to argue, confront or even tease her. They may act as if the girl is the most unattractive female they have ever met.

The acts and behaviors like that, although logically will make any woman/girl upset and angry, in fact make many females feel challenged and (subconsciously) try to get those bad boys attention. That’s why nice guys finish last again!

Can’t you see? Being very nice and very available can ruin your chances to attract the girl you like. At first she might like it and be thankful to your kindness. But that’s all.

If you always do and act like that, soon she’ll no longer deem it special. She’ll instead take it for granted and consider you as just a friend… or worse: a loser who wants to get her attention!

Moreover, bad men show their power by doing what they want instead of following the woman’s requests. They will only give what she asks when they like to, on their terms. Believe it or not, women often found it very sexy! Indeed one more major cause why nice guys finish last!

So, if you want to be more successful in getting dates, don’t be too available nor too nice. Give your love interest impression that you are not easy to get, that you’re a challenge!


Women loves it when something or someone can intrigue their curiosity. This is the quality that nice guys lack of.

Nice guys are usually too open about themselves. They tell everything about themselves even before she asks, or before she tells them anything about herself.

But a bad guy doesn’t care about it. He hardly tells anything about himself, even when asked.

When a girl asks about something a bit personal, he will show his cocky-funny attitude instead of answering the question straight. That makes some women very curious and open themselves to the bad boy just to know more about him.

Silly, don’t you think? But however, it can surely make those nice guys finish last in the competition

Women’s ego (or nurturing instinct?)

When a woman enters a relationship with a jerk, usually she is already aware about his bad reputation and bad behaviors. But her ego (or her natural instinct? I tend to believe it is the first) makes her believe that no matter bad his behaviors and attitudes are, in time she’ll be able to change him into a better person.

Of course this is only a wishful thinking, far from reality. Studies and experience show that, although it is true that a man can influence a woman to change, the opposite is not true. A woman can hardly change a man. A man will only change if he wants to change. It’s because the different way of thinking between men and women.

Bad connotation of the term “nice guy”

Bad connotation of the term nice guy as well as bad experience that some women have with the so called nice guys also contribute to the “nice guys finish last” phenomenon. Maybe we should consider the use of the term “good guys” instead of “nice guys” to differentiate between the really good but shy guys with those fake, artificially nice guys.

Indeed, not all called “nice guys” are really nice. Many of them are like wolves in sheep’s clothing, or, like some women have noticed, they only nice until they have their self confidence sparked. That made some girls stereotype all nice guys as bad or even worse than those so called jerks.

The unpredictability

Everything that is too regular and predictable is boring. So are you if you become too predictable for your love interest.

Bad boys on the other hand, are hardly predictable. A bad boy might be kind and passionate yesterday, but today he could be as cold as an ice cube. It makes his girlfriends curious and wonder what awaits them next tomorrow.

Unconsciously or not, girls are fond of this kind of emotional stirring. They even often addicted to it. And you know what? That’s why women love to read romantic novels and watch soap operas.

Follow those bad boys example and don’t be too predictable. Don’t always bring her flowers each time you meet her. Bring her one, once in a while, at random time.

Surprise her with your gifts and/or flattery, but don’t be too often or she’ll no longer feel the fun of the excitement. Do this and you’ll have to stop your lifetime membership from that “nice guys finish last” club!

Adventurous experience

No matter how good we are, there is a wild side in everyone of us. Sometimes we want to experience new things, to be somebody else that’s not ourselves. A desire for a more adventurous life. And this might be the cause of why many good girls choose those bad guys as their boyfriends.

Although they know it’s not good and can harm them badly, the desire, pushed by hormone changes and adrenaline rush within their body, often too strong for them. They just could not help it.

That’s why they find that all those good guys are boring and they choose the bad ones that they think can offer them new adventurous life instead. Nice guys finish last again!

What you can do is, be more adventurous with your life. Create an adventure with your love interest. Do something unusual, together with her. Invite her to camp on a mountain alone with you, or with your friends, for example. Make her feel and experience new things with you. It will create chemistry in both of you.

You can be free from that “nice guys finish last” syndrome without being a jerk. Do your inner work and be persistent, then you’ll be on your way to a happier dating life!

For a more complete reference about this subject, get and read the book titled Double Your Dating. It is very good!


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

1 Comment

  1. What’s funny is that this article does EXACTLY what it says women do, redefining bad guys and good guys. Bad guys are confident, nice guys are weak, ect. Oh, and the article was written by a woman. Go figure. Look

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