Lots of women want control, there is no denying that. In a relationship, this may manifest when she tries to change her boyfriend’s behavior. If your boyfriend broke up with you exactly because of this, then there is a need to reexamine your personality on your way on figuring out how to get your boyfriend back.

There’s no need to fix what doesn’t need fixing.

Realize this: your boyfriend is an individual. He has a unique set of caprices, nuances, idiosyncrasies. You probably fell in love with him because of these things in the first place. You really don’t need to change him just because his attitude doesn’t suit you and your lifestyle. As long as he’s not really hurting you or affecting you in a violent way, then you shouldn’t try to manipulate him into changing his habits or beliefs.

However, here are some exceptions to the rule, because these things really need attention from you as his partner:

  • Drug abuse
  • Alcoholism
  • Work-related habits
  • Absolute tardinessv
  • Physical/verbal violence
  • Overspending

(If your relationship has come to any of these, I think it’s best for you to visit a counselor or talk to a friend or family member.)

Aside from those issues mentioned above, you need to be able to compromise and accept the fact that you can’t change what doesn’t need changing. On a few amounts, yes, you can suggest to your boyfriend that he should be this or be that, he should stop doing this or minimize doing that, but if you constantly nitpick on your guy’s every move, you’ll surely run the risk of losing them, like what happened to you, and you will find it really hard to know how to get your boyfriend back.

Accept your boyfriend for who he is.

In the end, the most important thing in any relationship is love. Love can be shown directly through acceptance of flaws and differences. Clearly state to your ex that you’ve accepted his behavior, WITHOUT being condescending about it. Imply that you recant everything you’ve said before, that there is nothing wrong about what he’s doing in life, and that you’re going to support him every step of the way. Also, if you feel like you should apologize, you should do so.

Change yourself.

See, you cannot force other people to change their lives just because you want them to. However, there is one person that you can exact change from: yourself. Rethink your opinion about your boyfriend and reassess his habits, opinions and ideas. This is how to get your boyfriend back. Do his actions really bother you that you have to change them? Will you really compromise his love for you just so he will do exactly as you prefer? For me, the easier way is to change what you think of him and see him in a different, more positive light. As one famous author puts it, “walk in his shoes” for a bit.

Constructively criticize.

Now, if you cannot help but notice your boyfriend’s annoying habits, and you want to take things into your own hands, try the idea of “constructive criticism”. One way of doing this is not stating what you want outright (which may insult him), but prefacing it with some good value your boyfriend has, to cushion the blow of your criticism. Always remember, if you want to criticize, make it so that it will benefit your boyfriend, not because it will benefit you.

Recommended Reading

A lot of women try to change their men, but to no avail, and sometimes they even end up losing the relationship because of it. Ashley Kay, in her best-selling eBook the Ex Recovery System has recognized these types of patterns in relationships and has created tailor-made solutions for these kinds of situations.

Personally, I would recommend this for you because your problem borders the psychological and as this eBook consists mainly of psychosocial theories and applications, this can help you to a significant degree. It has a complete set of transformational methods that can help you win your ex boyfriend’s heart by convincing him that instead of wanting to change him, you’ve changed yourself instead.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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