I know you’re excited for the final step at the end of this series. I mean, this is it! This is where everything will finally come full circle – this is where you’ll start making amends with your ex, where you’ll start wooing them again, where you’ll start falling in love all over, where you’ll start getting back together, where you’ll try to “get my ex back”. But don’t get too thrilled about it yet – we still have lots of grounds to cover.

We will pick up where we left on the previous page: the first date after the breakup. That first instance of reconnection is very important, as I’ve told you time and again: it will determine how the rest of the relationship will fare, for better or for worse. If the first date went extremely well, the chances are obviously increased for you to get back together. If it didn’t go quite as planned, then the best thing you can do at the moment is hope for the best.

So, what happens after the first date? How must you conduct the succeeding dates? How often should you see your ex again? I will answer all of these in quite a short while. But before that, let me instill to you the proper mindset you should have upon entering this phase.


The first five steps of this 6-step process (Recognition, Restoration, Remotion, Rejuvenation, and Reconnection) are intended to achieve one particular goal: to provide for you a complete restart, a clean slate, for which you and your ex can build a new relationship on. At best, it will seem as if nothing ever happened, what with the new, reinvented version of yourself, and the lengthy period of absence that will help the both of you recuperate and forget the pains brought by the recent breakup. It is akin to “reformatting” a damaged computer: the computer’s still operational; you just have to delete some of the bad stuff away.

The fact that your ex agreed to meet with you on the Reconnection phase is the first sure sign that your ex has reconsidered your role in their life. Use that fact to your advantage.

The Resolution phase is more of an effect of the first five phases than a complete step of its own. Nothing is ever guaranteed, even if you have done the first five steps effectively. In the end, your ex is the one in control of their feelings, and they have to reach out to you. The purpose of this newsletter was to influence your ex-partner’s judgments NATURALLY, not by using dirty “tactics” such as making your ex jealous or manipulating your ex through money, which are always ineffective in the long run.

The main point I’m emphasizing here is this: it is more important that you’re able to fix yourself than you’re able to fix your past relationship, so if all else fails, at least you won’t self-destruct like most people do and emerge as a stronger, more beautiful person. The first five steps are primarily designed to nurture you, not simply to ready you for the next relationship. And, as they all say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Whether you believe it or not, there are people more suited to you than your ex!

That being said, we will not stop pursuing your ex until we’ve exhausted all our efforts. I just need you to have this particular mindset because it will help you exude more and more confidence and will help you face all the risks you’ll be taking in the next couple of steps I’ll mention below.


Of course, after you successfully reconnect with your partner, that doesn’t mean you should meet with them everyday from now on. There should be a natural, gradual way of doing things together. At first you should just meet each other once a week, maybe even once every two weeks. There should be no pressure. If you do things rashly it may look as if you’re desperate to see your ex everyday… Just take it nice and slow and if possible, wait for your ex to invite you over dinner or to a party. Keep things casual and friendly.

If you feel like it’s a nice time to speed things up and change gears, then you may do so. Just be sure that you’ve already assimilated into your ex’s life nicely and you won’t seem like an intrusion to his daily affairs. And whatever you do, DON’T BRING UP your plans of getting back together as a topic. It is not the right time yet. You are still on the process of getting close to your ex and becoming more involved in their life, just like dating for the first time.

Now here’s the interesting part. In time you will be seen by your peers as a couple again, given that you see each other on a regular basis. Of course you will deny it, because you aren’t a couple, not yet. But that impression will profoundly affect your ex’s thinking process and in time, the possibility of you and your ex getting back together will become more and more real. Just remember, be patient, keep it casual, and never reveal everything. Just show your purest intent to be friends with your ex.


The thing about making amends is that, often times, it doesn’t need to be said. If your ex has willingly taken you back into his/her life platonically, that only means one thing: your ex-partner has forgiven anything you may have done wrong in the past and is willing to forget it. In that case, just drop all the emotional baggage you’re carrying.

However, if you strongly feel the need to say sorry, don’t beat around the bush and directly tell your ex your apology in one of your meet-ups. You can start by saying “Hey, about what happened the other month…” or “I just wanted to let this out, so here goes…” It pays to be honest and clear about your intentions and it is most likely that your ex will immediately forgive you, seeing that you’re already back together and it has been a long time since the breakup.


Of course, in due time you will need to tell your ex-partner what you really feel. You don’t like to be friend-zoned, right? Chances are, you will be, if you wait too long. So after weeks of casual, friendly encounters, it’s time to break the real deal to your ex.

The Strategy For Women
Now, from here on out it will be different for men and women. As a general rule, if you’re a girl, it’s very unusual to be the first one to show her true feelings to the other person. The guy is the one to always make the move first. So, there is nothing you can do but to hint to your ex that you’re still very much interested in him. How do you do that? It’s very simple: just give your guy all of your attention and be with him always, and he will take the hint. Be playful around him. Listen to him! Pamper him with all your sweet caresses. Also, make him feel needed. If you can give him a sense of “ownership” to you, he will definitely become more attracted. Hopefully, he will pursue you after all the “discreet flirtation” you’re doing.

The Strategy For Men
For men, however, it’s an entirely different scenario. You will need to profess how much you still want your ex-girlfriend back. The way to do this should be very straightforward: on one of your dates, just simply state your intent to get her back. “I want to let you know that I still love you and it is my plan to get our relationship back together.” It’s that simple! No grand gestures, no waiting for the right moment, just say it when you think that both of you are ready for another try. If she accepts your proposal to court her, then it’s time to pull out all the stops – bring her to fancy dinners, sing her sweet songs, buy her gifts, things you would normally do for a girl you’re courting for the first time.


You should say this to yourself: “There are no surprise tactics or strategies in the very final act to get my ex back.” This final act is popping to him/her the question. The routine would be the same as if you’re dating your ex-partner for the first time. In fact, it is better if you can “recreate” the first times you met each other! Appeal to nostalgia and remind your ex-partner what made your relationship so good in the first place. Make him/her understand why you want the relationship back so badly. If you can do that by being yourself and by doing everything you can to make the other party happy, then you don’t need any manipulative technique or strategy. Just surprise him/her with “I love you. Can you take me back?” when you have the perfect opportunity to say so. And remember, every moment is the perfect moment if you choose it to be.


Now, even if you do everything in your power to get your ex-partner back, it is not a sure guarantee that you’ll win her over once more. But the key here is to hope for the best, and to be patient with your ex-partner. Give them all the time they need to rediscover love with you again. Notice that my recurring theme on the series is TO AVOID DESPERATE MEASURES and TO BE PATIENT. Once you act out of sheer desperation you will lose the inkling of chance you have with your ex. The first five steps are aimed to groom you into a person of confidence and experience; so really, you can’t risk acting foolishly just because you can’t wait to have your ex back. Just consistently show how much you’ve changed for the better, continually shower your ex-partner with goodness and love, so that hopefully, your ex-partner will give in and love you back.


Let’s face the facts: there is a very good possibility that you won’t be able to push this through, and you won’t be able to change your ex-partner’s mind. But that doesn’t mean you have completely failed. If you have loyally followed the first five steps of the 6 R’s, then you will have changed your life for the better. That, in itself, is a success. As I have said earlier, the Resolution phase is merely an aftereffect of the previous five phases. Therefore, if you’ve drastically improved your life and yet your ex-partner won’t take you back, it means that you really aren’t suited for each other, and you are not losing anything in actuality.


Whatever the outcome will be, just remember that everything is turning out the way it is for the better. You are not a horrible lover for not being accepted by your ex – you are just not compatible with each other. Remember the goodness that you have inside of you and your ability to sacrifice your time and efforts for the one you truly love. And what you’re accepted by your ex or not, remember that everything won’t be put to waste. Cliché as it may sound, there are 7 billion people in the world – is it really too hard to believe that someone else better is out there?


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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