Though it is not an easy proposition, following the no contact rule is perhaps the best way of getting your ex back. This article aims at telling you everything you need to know about the no contact rule that will help to seal the crack.

No Contact Rule

The rule means exactly what it says. Cutting off all communication with your ex is what it is. It is like getting rid of an addiction to a drug. Therefore, no contact means no text messaging, no calls, no going over, no mails, or doing anything else that boils down to getting in touch with them. Do not even remotely talk about your ex to your friends. Even the smallest thought about your ex can upset the cart again.

Does “No Contact Rule” Help?

In view of the fact that you are trying to get back together with your ex, why should you follow the “no contact rule”? Though it seems contradictory, learning to live without contacting your ex cuts off your desperate need for them. It makes you confident and happy and this is exactly what your ex would want in you.

No Contact – What Else Can You Do?

Though not the best of times, the period for which you remain out of contact with your ex is the right time to look after yourself. You also learn to be happy with yourself. You can realize that you do not need your ex to be happy (though you may still want your ex). However, you have to work your way to getting happier and it requires effort. Read on to find out what else you can do.

Engage In Physical Activity

Getting into physical activity without sitting and brooding is the first thing you should do. It is all about getting into shape and improving your health. The feel good hormones (endorphins) that your body releases during exercise literally makes you feel good. Some of the physical activities that you can take part in include yoga, jogging, swimming, hitting the gym, etc. You can indulge in any of your favorite activity at least every other day.

Meet your Old Friends, Make new Friends

To get rid of the self-pity that you may develop at this stage, the best thing you can do is go out and meet people. Meet your old friends who still like your company. Meet your loved ones in the family that you haven’t spent time with in the recent past. Live up the time that you spend with all of these people.

Go on a date during the no contact period. Instead of jumping into the next relationship, use it to boost your flattened ego.

Relax, Relax, Relax

This is the best time to pamper yourself. Indulge in a relaxing spa, bath or massage. Get away to an idyllic resort if need be. Read, meditate or do yoga. It will surely heal your frayed nerves.

Stay Away From These

No Contact Rule - Things to avoidThere are some things that are an absolute no-no when you follow the no contact rule. If you get back to doing any of these, the no-contact period would end without any progress, self-development or meaning.

#1: DO not stalk your ex

Do not stalk your ex on facebook or through any other means. Obsessing over them in your thoughts will only make you more desperate. If you are under the impression that the aim of the no-contact period is for your ex to miss you and want you back soon, you are mistaken. Even if your ex misses you and does want you back, and he/she senses desperation in you, the whole effort becomes pointless. They are going to lose the attraction they have for you.

The no contact rule is followed only to lose your addiction that you have for your ex. Remove the source of trouble, nip it in the bud. If need be, deactivate your social accounts for the interim period.

#2: Do not drink, smoke excessively

Breakup time is painful and do not try to cover it up with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. They will only depress you and further distance you from one another. Do not end up replacing one addiction with another. Your ex would not want that. If you are planning on a binge drinking party, make sure that you keep your phone away so that you do not end up dialling your ex. That would undo the whole plan.

How Long Should this Last?

It is recommended that you follow the no contact rule for at least 30 days. If the breakup was a bad one, you need more time to heal and recoup. In that case, you can follow it for 60 or even 90 days.

What If:

What If He/She?What If You Are Not Able To Hold On

If you break the no contact rule start all over again. Being strict with yourself pays as the objective is to go without your ex for the specified period. Every time you break it, start all over again with the next day as day 1 of your 30/60/90 days.

What If Your Ex Contacts You

If your ex contacts you, the no contact rule is not broken. Well, if you respond in any manner, to your ex, then the no contact rule is broken and you have to start all over again. However, there are exceptions to this rule as well, as in the case of emergencies. However, all contact is restricted to matters of the concerned emergency.

What if You Have A Child Together

If you have child, then it may not be possible to be out of touch for a long period. However, you can follow the no contact period with the following rules specifically for this situation that you are in.

  • You can talk with your ex only about your child.
  • Treat your ex as an acquaintance if you happen to meet them.
  • Do not talk about your current life or anything personal.
  • Do not say anything bad about your ex to your child.

What if You Live Together

The chances that you will come back together are near zero, unless one of you moves out from wherever you are living together. Your ex will not want to see someone they broke up with on a daily basis. If it is impossible to move out, then be sure to follow these:

  • Live in separate rooms/quarters.
  • If you live in the same room, do not talk anything personal, but about anything in general.
  • If you cannot tolerate one another, the best solution would be for one of you to move out.
Recommended Videos

Brad Browning advice. Brad is a well known expert who wrote e.g Ex Factor Guide:

and another useful advice from Corey Wayne:

The No Contact Rule – Its Essence

As has been said before, the no contact period serves to remove the addiction that you have for your ex and heals your mind and soul. Much like withdrawal from drugs, the no contact period will urge you to start it all over again. Your weaknesses and vulnerabilities are expressed during the period.

Wrapping up, even the least amount of giving in to any temptation to get in touch with your ex during the period when you are following the no contact rule will surely hurt the chances of you both coming together in later times.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.


  1. I’ve never heard of the No Contact Rule before but it really makes a lot of sense to me. I know from experience that when a girlfriend broke up with me, as soon as I accepted it and moved on she would start trying to get back together. She would see that I’d made new friends or taken up a new activity and would want to be a part of it. The ironic thing is that once I’d taken these steps, I decided that I was better off not going back to the old relationship. Maybe that’s the key. Getting on with your life makes you look to the future and not dwell on the past.
    Thanks for the informative post. I look forward to reading more of your articles.

  2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder…. As the saying goes. My wife and I went through a rough spot early on in our marriage. Limiting our contact to just interactions with with kids really helped us get everything back into perspective. Now, over ten years later, I’m glad we took that time a part so in the long run we could be together.

  3. Great article! I completely agree, there should be no contact after a break-up. No contact helps you take a step back and think about what you really want, and whether not being in the relationship is actually the best thing for you. I was in a really bad relationship once, and people used to tell me to leave, but I was so caught up in it, that I could see this. Once we did break up, we had no contact and it really gave me time to think and realise that was the best decision.

  4. Great post! I agree that no contact for a time after the break-up is essential. Just make sure before you begin this that if they have things of yours that you want back that you have gotten them quickly. You don’t want either of you to find an excuse to communicate or see each other. It’s good that you included situations like there being a child involved. This will definitely change things for you, but setting strict ground rules for yourself will be very helpful.

  5. No contact is what it takes to heal when you’ve been dumped. If you think the friend zone isn’t being dumped your fooling yourself and if you choose to stay in a (just friends relationship) you are headed for more hurt. There is no reciprocation for the person that friend zoned you. They don’t want to have a sexual relationship with you, they are not in love with you. All that will happen is you will be right there when they start a new affair or if they are already in a new affair.

    (I don’t know about you but I’m not going to stay and watch who I want to be with in the arms of another.)

    Even if you have had a 20 year relationship with a person all they are doing is just trying to be nice. They love you as a person and hate the thought of you going through pain and hurt so they say lets be friends to try and give you comfort because they know they have just smashed your heart.

    No Contact is just that No Contact If you did no contact for 3 weeks broke and made contact then you just kept yourself where you started from. It shows your needy and weak. Is that what you want in a relationship a person who is needy and weak ? If you want things to get better walk away and never look back… If that person that dumped reaches out to you down the road good you can choose to talk and maybe try to fix things or you can choose to think about if you even want to try to fix things again. (But remember they left you once they could do it again) Last but not least If that person never reaches out then it was never meant to be. Use no contact for you. Find yourself again. Love yourself again and when you do true love will find you…

  6. Robin Ecclestone Reply

    ive read your article 30 days, yep i can do this, but if my ex has rebound with a bf that attacked sexually and a report was made to the police,he made her report me to the police,he paid a large bill for her ive also found he’s Coercion, mentally brain washing!!!
    wow its hurting because i still love her

    need help please

  7. I left a relationship but stupidly went back .. you cant be friends after that its like your dog dieing and mom saying oh dont cry dear you can still keep it.. i went nc didnt tell him nothing ..and it made me realise how bad that relationship was

  8. hey ..I have been using the NC rule suggested by mag favorite Brad Browning..but its been 18th day of NC n mah ex bf hasn’t contacted me yet.m lost plz help me dear

  9. My bf kept telling me he didn’t want a relationship ,though we did everything that a bf an gf does without the title .then I gave him know chose he gave me the title an still was talking to girls on a dating web site .so I just started the no contact rule yesterday .took a stand an told him I was done for good.I hope this works because I miss him already .I just keep hipeing he realizes how gd I was to him .I do love the advice thank you so much.

  10. Afternoon, my partner and I were together for a year a half, we recently just broke up… He broke up with me as he felt our relationship wasn’t growing as he wanted us to do alotta things together but unfortunately we couldn’t as I wasn’t financially stable, he wanted us to move in together in a new place but I had asked him to wait till I find a job then we can look together and decide as a couple, I guess he got tired of waiting…i haven’t contacted him for nearly a month, and its not easy as I miss him so much, we never had a bad relationship, its just that he just felt we weren’t growing as a couple…
    I’m trying my best not to stalk him but its really hard…

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