Understanding women, it’s a very hard subject for most men. No wonder many men facing difficulties with their woman.

If only they knew how to talk to women the right way, they might have saved themselves from so many unnecessary problems. We men tend to speak what we want literally. And we expect others to do the same. In addition, it is the most logical way, isn’t it?

But, women don’t communicate that way. Yes of course they also use words in their communication with us. But more than often, they don’t really mean what they are saying when they talk to us, especially if it is concerning their (unpleasant) feeling or emotion.

And women are emotional beings. So, we can expect that the woman we love will say things that we, as her man, must “decipher” their true meaning… or else she’ll be quiet unhappy or even get upset!

I know it sucks. But we can’t just blame her for that. It’s the way she is. Instead, in part it is our “duty” to interpret what she means correctly. Indeed, this “how to talk to women” thing is more like an art than a knowledge….

Words Are Not Everything

Do you know that, based on research, words only deliver about 30% of all meaning in communication? The other big 70% comes from nonverbal behavior such as body language and paralinguistic cues (voice volume, pitch, intonation etc).

Some other scientists even state that those non-verbal forms of communication consists 93% of human communication. That means, words only play 7% of importance!

Can you see the importance of that non-verbal behavior? Its importance can not be over-emphasized. We must be aware of body language and non-verbal cues in communication. In fact, it is the key to master this “how to talk to women” art.

Women are known to use that non-verbal things much more than men! This is the cause why understanding women seems very complicated to most men. Unless we make ourselves familiar to those unspoken words, our relationship with the woman we love will always be at stake: how if she meets other man that “can understand her better”?

Your woman might be of a faithful type. But if again and again she feels that you don’t understand her, or worse, don’t care about her, she might eventually be attracted to that “more understanding guy”! You see, mastering that art of “how to talk to women” is vital!

How to Talk to Women: The Don’ts

Let’s discuss the don’ts first: You can not talk to women the way you talk to your buddies. The way they think and feel are very different.

It’s not for nothing some experts say that men are from Mars and women from Venus. You should not treat your woman the same way you treat your buddies. Things that your buddies found funny could be very offensive to women… and vice versa.

Below are the things you should never do in communication with your woman unless you want to chase her away.

Don’t ridicule her body/appearance

This is one of few most important things to remember in this “how to talk to women” issue. Women are very aware of their physical blemish. And they already feel insecure about it.

You might find it funny to make jokes about it, but believe me, your woman will never share that same feeling. She might laugh with you, but her heart hurts.

In fact, if you do that again and again, sooner or later you will deteriorate her well being: she will feel more and more unworthy and lose her confidence.

In the end, she might pull herself away from you… or worse, opening herself to be closer to other guy with whom she feels more accepted.

You are the only man that she loves. So, everything that you say matters a lot to her.

If you really love her, then accept her the way she is. Help her to overcome her insecurity. Encourage her and say that you love her the way she is.

How if, for example, you don’t like seeing her getting fat from day to day? Say it lovingly and tenderly: “Honey, I see that you are getting fat lately. It’s not good for your health, you know. I don’t want to see you get sick. Moreover, you look more beautiful like this” (show her her photograph with you when she was slimmer).

Don’t criticize her home/room

Women tend to identify her home/room where she lives with herself. Attack on it means attack on herself.

So, how to talk to women about their bedroom arrangement, for instance? Do so without criticizing.

Just say it as if you are only suggesting: “Wouldn’t it better if this wardrobe be placed there near the window instead of here?”. And let her decide.

Don’t give up to her too easily

Men who understand how to talk to women know that they have to stand on something, relevant to the conversation topic. Unless you really agree to what she says, don’t be afraid nor reluctant to argue.

By standing on your ground, you will earn her respect because she will see you as a man with conviction, a man that she can rely on (for advice and opinion). Women always like such men.

Don’t dominate the conversation

Don’t talk so much. You will bore her to death. Give her chance to express her thoughts, listen to what she has to say and use it as “seeds” to make the conversation going through.

Don’t focus on yourself

People like to talk about themselves, especially women: they love it. Ask open questions that concerning herself such as “how is your day” or something like that… and listen!

Never supplicate

Supplicating, this is what most nice guys do. They are completely blind to this “how to talk to women” principles. Instead of impressing the woman, they make her perceive them as weak men, lack of leadership qualities.

Never ever supplicate either in actions nor in conversation with your woman. You must LEAD instead, unless she refuses with a clear signs!

Touch and hug her
Hugs and touches are very important to women. They are the special secrets in this “how to talk to women” thing.

Occasionally touch, caress her hair and hug her when you talk with her. This will give her warm feeling and make her more open to you.

Do that and you will never regret it. You will know soon that the little act of love you give her will return as a greater love and passion.

Keep your words

You know the phrase “man of his words”? Yes, as men we are expected to be consistent. Our deeds and our words must conform to each other.

Don’t be too easy to promise. And don’t make any promise that you know you can’t keep. It will devalue your words… and your image in woman’s eyes.

If you do or say something wrong, don’t deny it. Never elude your errs with twisting or blaming others. Be a man with integrity.

Relationship without trust is unhealthy to the persons involved. It will only create negativity. Once again, without trust, all these how to talk to women tips are useless.

Be punctual

Have you heard this joke? “Being late is the biggest sin a man can do in dating”. Really, this is very true. Try to be punctual as best as you can. Or else you’ll lose your chance for having good time with her.

Give her enough time

Research on human psychology shows that women talk three times more than men. On average, a woman needs to utter at least 15,000 words daily hypnotized emo.

So, spare some of your time and give your ears to listen to her. You don’t have to talk much. Just listen to what she says. She needs it. And it is good for her well-being.

Show your appreciation

If she cooked delicious meal for dinner, for example, show her your appreciation. She must have gone through many unpleasant things just to serve it on the table for you….

Just a few words “Wow, it’s delicious”, or “Thank you, darling!” with a small kiss on her brow, will mean a lot to her. It can brighten her all days!

Show her that she can rely on you

Every woman craves the feeling of being loved and protected. So show her that you care. Make her sure that however bad her situation is, you will always be there for her.

Shouldn’t we take woman’s words literally?

“How to talk to women? Should we take their words literally?” This is the question that many men asked.

The answer to that question may vary, depending on to whom you ask. If you ask it to “nice guys”, most probably they will reply with this standard answer “Yes, we have to respect women just as we want to be respected.”

But if we ask that question to those guys who are known to be successful with women (read: playboys, etc), they will tend to answer with a NO. Not because they don’t believe that women can and will say things literally, but because of their extensive experience in their association with women.

It’s true, we must respect woman’s free will. If she doesn’t want to be disturbed, when we approach her for instance, then we must back off. But the problem is, many times a woman says no but what she really means is yes. And she expects us to understand it by ourselves. Rarely will a girl/woman help a man to know what she really means.

Yes, it sucks. How could they do that? They think we, men, are mind reader or what? It’s ridiculous, saying one thing but meaning another… and gets upset when we take their words wrongly. How to talk to women and understand exactly what they really mean? Is there a way to know when a woman says the thing she really means and when not?

Thank God, there is. It’s through body language/gestures, voice intonation, volume and other non-verbal forms of communication.

Actually, woman always gives us hints so that we can understand what she really means. Everybody who wants to be fluent in how to talk to women rightly must be willing to learn and familiarize himself with the hints.

Train yourself to observe her body language subtly when she is talking to you, and also the way she talks about the subject. Do this continuously. Make yourself familiar to this form of communication. Eventually you will know when to take her words as it is and when not. How to talk to women will never be a mystery anymore for you.

It would be much better if you ask her to help you in the process. Tell her that you can not always understand correctly what she means if she does not use the literal words. I’m sure she’ll be more than willing to help you, the one she loves dearly.

As a general guidance, usually a woman/girl won’t say the things she really means if it is concerning her deeper feelings, feelings that she is too shy to talk about it openly. But if it doesn’t, expect that she really means what she says.

And judge the way she speaks it. If she speaks it assertively, then she means it. But if she is saying it with a muffled voice or without certainty, then you can bet that she may not say what she means, or at least she has not made her mind about it yet.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

1 Comment

  1. Drissa kone Reply

    Very impressed and satisfied with these thecniques. Can’t wait to read more!!

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