One of the most disappointing things in life is being romantically attracted to a girl only for her to see you as “just a friend”. This also happens to girls who are secretly in love with a boy they feel should be their boyfriend, yet the boy only views them as plutonic friends. Being attracted to the opposite sex is very normal, even though that attraction may not always be reciprocated. Many men have probably undergone this with a girl they met. Others become so close to a woman and start developing feelings for her over time. This can be a greater source of heartache than the actual breakup itself.

How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone

If you have been friend-zoned, do not worry too much about it. Sometimes it is never your fault. The girl or boy might actually have a different taste when it comes to what s/he is looking for in a life partner. Other times it definitely is your fault. Perhaps your actions and words might have pushed you to the friend zone without you even realizing it. But how do you get out of it? There are a number of ways to “redeem” your old self and create a new you that your potential partner will fall in love with. However, you should never lose hope if you wish to score with the man or woman of your dreams.

1.Break the “nice guy/ sweet girl” stereotype
In most cases, most people who find themselves in the friend zone suffer from the “nice guy/sweet girl” syndrome. S/he may have friend-zoned you because of the way you acted – like a friend. This means that you may have tried so hard to avoid making him or her uncomfortable at all costs, but at your expenses, by not communicating your own needs as soon as possible. Typically, when you are physically attracted to other people of the opposite sex, and avoid “pressurizing” them into a relationship for fear of jeopardizing your friendship, your own feelings will be at stake, because you will end up holding back in many different ways. Considering other people’s feelings as more crucial than your own – rather than striking that happy balance – will unconsciously communicate to them that your own personal feelings are not important. Even worse, you will be communicating that you have low self-worth or self-esteem. While some individuals are more attracted to the ever-agreeable mates, the one who pushed you to the friend zone probably isn’t. Inaction can sometimes communicate with the other potential partners that you are not interested at all, even if they were also attracted to you in the first place.

2. Stop acting needy
When you send off signals that you desperately want to be in a relationship with a person, they become less interested in you. Desperation is the quickest attraction killer. Rushing things physically and emotionally might place the other person on a pedestal, as you are so absorbed in the idea of a relationship that you overlook the person’s weaknesses and other undesirable traits. Relax and stop treating an encounter with your “ideal” mate like it is the last you will ever have.

3. Examine the difference between a plutonic friendship and a romantic relationship
Some people expect that a boyfriend/girlfriend must play a specific role in their life before they start being attracted to him/her. You need to relax and enjoy each other’s company and wait for the attraction to initialize. Keep in mind that some people are more attracted to toxic relationships and so they keep dating people who treat them badly.

4. Break the touch barrier
Touch is a very powerful element in any relationship. It distinguishes between a mere friendship and a more intimate relationship. Therefore, you need to be careful with the way you touch your potential partner, as you could be sending off signals that you are only interested in friendship. When you are terrified of touching someone to the extent that you do not touch him or her at all, you ruin your chances of scoring with him or her in the romantic department. Strive to touch her within the first 5 minutes of meeting, but ensure you do it in a flattering manner and limited way, especially if you are still strangers to each other. You may start by complimenting her necklace and taking the bold step to touch it. But ensure your brush your hands around her neck to break the ice. Complimenting and touching her will communicate that you actually do find her attractive. Lightly touch her hands, hair, ankles, back, shoulders, and other non intrusive areas while talking to her to avoid awkwardness and unnecessary tension. Coming out as a creepy individual might cause her to raise her guards, but if you do it right, you will make her feel relaxed and accept more intimate touches.

5. Evaluate your progress
Realize that by “tying up” your own feelings and staying “good friends” with the one you are attracted to will only do your own feelings more harm than good. Sometimes in life you need to make some hard decisions. If you have done all the above and even broken the touch barrier but the person still wants to remain “just friends” with you, then you need to come face to face with reality and accept the things you can’t change. Maybe it is not about what you do, but they are simply not attached to you. Maybe they are secretly gay, “gold diggers”, or just afraid to commit for fear of heartbreaks. This is the time to reevaluate your feelings and decide whether you still want to spend some more time around them. It will also become increasingly difficult to develop feelings for another person if you keep hanging out with the person who has pushed you in the friend zone. You will always remain damaged and confused if you do not step out and give your undivided affection to someone else.

The main reason why many women are comfortable staying in the friend zone with a man they like is probably because he took too long to make a move and clearly state his intentions with her. If you want to know how to get out of the friend zone, then you must take the initiative to make your feelings known.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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