Am I that unattractive? How to attract men? Why it seems no man ever notices me? Why all the other girls around get approached by those gorgeous men except me?

Those are the very questions that reverberate in so many women’s mind. So, if this is you, then don’t be too anxious. You are not alone. There are a lot of other girls and women out there who face the same problem.

Igniting men’s attraction to you is not that hard if you know the techniques. The good news is, you don’t have to look cheap in order to make men attracted to you. You don’t even have to become somebody else that’s not you to attract the man you dream of.

The Basics for Real, Rewarding Relationship

A real relationship, a long lasting and worthy-to-keep-for-lifetime relationship, will require openness and honesty from each party.

Unfortunately, too many women try to be somebody else that’s not themselves in their efforts to attract a man that they have special interest in. For example, they act and behave as if they are a huge fan of football just because their love interest loves the sport very much. Little they realize that such behavior will eventually backfire….

Men, when looking for a possible lifetime partner, always look for genuineness. Of course there is always room for affectation as long as it is not intended to manipulate their trust. But remember, there are always boundaries that you cannot breach if you want a meaningful, satisfying lifetime relationship.

An artificially made-up behavior may, for a while, make a man attracted to it. But as soon as he finds it out, most of them will surely flee and never comes back. In case you don’t know yet, keep this in mind that practically there are only a few other things in this world that can make men more upset than being fooled and deceived by a woman!

So, the first and foremost thing you should keep in mind on this how to attract men subject is: be yourself!

What matters the most for men

Think about this: Why do you think a man wants (or needs) to have a woman on his side? For sex? Maybe, that can be a factor, but that’s not the most important one.

As we all know, in today’s world sex can be acquired everywhere without worry of being dragged later by the burdens that follow it. Therefore, dressing sexy will not help you very much to find the right man for your life.

You may have long row of men tailing you when you wear your sexiest dress, but that’s it. Those men will only after your body…. And after that? Forget it! They will look for other more fascinating adventures, leaving you behind feeling hurt for being used.

So, what is the right answer? What are men looking for in women? Actually, the answer lies in the question itself. Can you guess it? Right! The answer is: the word “women” itself.

“What do you mean?” you may ask.

I mean, men – those masculine creatures – need women because of their femininity, the very quality that they don’t have.

Men are looking for someone that can complement them. They are looking for somebody that can be their help meet. Now, can you fulfill this need? Of course, unless you are not a female human!

“I am a woman, but I hardly get any man to notice me. What’s wrong with me? What do I have to do?” you may wonder.

After you truly comprehend that you should never allow yourself to be fake, it’s time for you to also recognize what it means to be a woman, to be a counterpart of a man.

Understand the differences between men and women

Having a deeper understanding about the differences between men and women will help you a lot in finding and attracting the right man for your life. Beside the obvious physical differences, there are also distinctive psychological differences that you must be aware of, many of them are directly contrastive.

A 2005 study conducted by Eric Bressler from McMaster University for example, revealed that the sought-after trait “good sense of humor” has different meaning for the both sexes.

For women, “good sense of humor” means someone that can make them laugh. But men define it differently. For men, “good sense of humor” means those who appreciate their jokes.

The study even went further revealing that men like to be around women who produce humors in friendship. But when it comes to (sexual) relationship, they prefer women who laugh at their jokes.

Another study by Tom W. Smith, PhD, of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago also reveals how altruistic love can greatly enhance the quality of romantic relationships and how men and women differ in it. The report of the study went on saying that women are more empathic than men are and have higher altruistic values, but men are more likely to express altruistic-love sentiments that may be due to the element of heroic stoicism and being a protector.

How to attract men: Physical Appearance

You see, men seek the very quality that they don’t have: femininity. Therefore, in order to be more attractive to men, you should work on yourself to improve your feminine qualities. And the easiest feminine quality to upgrade is…. yes, you’re right: physical appearance.

Thus, adorn yourself if you want men to take a second look at you. And if possible, dress yourself up, wear the clothes that will make you look more feminine. Having longer hair can also help because surveys show that the majority of men prefer women with longer hairstyle.

Hmmm, you may think that that way, tomboy women have smaller chance to attract men. As a matter of fact, averagely it is true. But that doesn’t mean tomboys would have to throw away their dreams to have their own men because, although not many, there are several men who prefer with tomboy girls over those more feminine ones.

The important point to remember in this how to atrract men topic is, even if you are a tomboy, you should do your best to improve the feminine qualities that you, as a girl/woman, have, the qualities that fit you best and that will not deny who you are.

Be neat, for example. Even a tomboy can be neat and orderly, don’t you think? And you know what? Virtually no man has ever dreamed to have a sloppy woman as his lifetime partner!

Most men have been grown up with the thoughts that women should be nicer and neater than they are. Thus, a sloppy and sleazy appearance of a woman will make men, consciously or not, put her down in their list of potential serious partners.

In your efforts to upgrade your look, don’t hesitate to learn to use the make-ups and to wear those beautiful dresses. Those things are provided so that you can use them to your advantage. Learn to like it, those lady things, because that’s what you are: a lady. And honestly, no matter if this is politically incorrect or not: appearance does matter.

No, you don’t have to be as beautiful as Audrey Hepburn to attract men. But you can determine which physical aspects of yours are most attractive and dress yourself accordingly so that people’s attention will naturally be drawn to them.

Therefore, make sure that you are well-groomed and properly dressed. And get your hair styled, it will create great impact to your appearance.

Men are very visual. Whether you like it or not, you can’t deny those men’s natural inclinations.

How to attract men: Be kind and leave that bitchy attitude.

Nowadays there are more and more girls and women who react rudely when a man approaches them. I don’t know what had inspired them to behave like that, maybe it’s the movies they had watched or some myths about men they had heard.

Funnily, they act that way but keep expecting men to come to them under their feet. Unless they have a Miss World look or as rich as the queen of Sheba, if they don’t change their attitude, they’ll end up spending their lifetime alone!

Being bitchy won’t help at all to get the right man for your life. That’s one of the worst advice one can give on this topic how to attract men.

Yes, you might ignite the conquering instinct that is naturally ingrained in men.  That bitchy attitude may invite some men to come and after you just to get laid, but that’s it. After that, they will leave because you’ll be no longer a challenge for them.

Usually, a good and respectable man will withdraw if he is faced with that kind of attitude. That’s because they have been grown up with the paradigm to respect others.

That kind of attitude will automatically make them think that you do not like him and that you do not want to be disturbed. So, he may never come to you again after that. After all, there are a lot of other girls and women out there that are more accommodative and more fun to befriend with.

How to attract men: Compliments

“A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue,” said a quote.

It is true. Just like women, men also like it to be flattered. Just, don’t do it overly and don’t be too obvious especially if you two have just met. While your compliment can be useful, too much use of it will only make you look desperate, and that can be a big turn-off for men.

Later, when you two have been close enough, you may compliment him more.

Your flattery may inflate his head a little, but it’s alright. Your compliments will allow him to see that you respect and admire him. Respect and admiration from their woman are very important to men.

In fact, that’s the surest way for men to know that they are loved, even more than sex. Criticism on the other hand, if extended unwisely can do much damage to men’s pride and self-assurance.

“A woman’s flattery may inflate a man’s head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.” ~ Helen Rowland

How to attract men: Similarities

“Birds of a feather flock together,” says a proverb. The truth contains in it also applies to romantic relationships: Couples with lots of similarities tend to be happier compared to those with very different interests.This principle  plays an important role in the subject of how to attract men.

So, before you make a move, it would be better for you if you do some research on the man you have interest in. Try to find the common ground you both have such as hobbies, movies, readings etc..

Because in today’s world almost everybody has online presence, you can use facebook, twitter or other social media websites that both of you use to check on his profiles. Be cautious though not to make it looks like you are stalking him.

But keep this in mind: never ever pretend! Pretending will not bring good results in the long term. For example, if you really hate football, don’t pretend that you like it just because he is a huge fan of the sport. Unless it is something that you know you can learn to love and live with, that’s okay to pretend a bit while you are adapting. But if not, then you had better tell it upfront to him.

A relationship that starts with pretense will ultimately fail. Why? Because the similarities are fake and not genuine. As stated above, the importance of genuineness cannot be overemphasized for having a satisfying and rewarding relationship. In essence, your relationship will only be as genuine as you are in the first place with your man.

Once both of you have done with the infatuation and the honey moon phase, to always pretending will become too tiring for you and gradually you will change without you even realize it. Sooner or later he will sense it, and eventually finds out that in fact you had never liked his hobby. If this happens, then your closeness with him will start to turn into segregation, and unless the problem dealt properly in time, the relationship may end up bitterly.

So, if you really like him but you know you will not be able to adapt to one or two of his hobbies for instance, tell him upfront. You don’t have to always avoid differences. Differences, if you both know how to manage it, can make a relationship livelier and more colorful.

How to attract men: Let him be more familiar with you

Love often grows out of familiarity. So, whenever possible, give him chance to be more familiar with you by doing certain activities together that both of you enjoy. At first, you may have to do that together with his friends first (group activities) as he hasn’t been very familiar with you. But if you can play your cards right, over time you will be able to do those activities alone with him.

If both of you share the same hobby of hiking, for example, why not you join his hiking club so that you can go with them whenever they go hiking. And while on the mountain, always look for opportunities to talk or to have a little chat so that you can build connection with him.  Or join his choir if you both share the same hobby of singing.

Asking him to teach you or to guide you in some specific areas is not a bad idea either. Men love it if a woman acknowledges his ability.

How to attract men: Impress him with your ability

If, for example, you both love tennis, you may impress him with your tennis skills. But when you are playing the game against him, don’t beat him upright. It would be too embarrassing for him.

Just play it good enough so that he can enjoy the game and can be pretty sure that you and he really share the same interest in the sport. That way, you will start building some kind of association in his mind about the thing he really likes (tennis) with you (playing tennis with her is fun).

This is how advertisements work: by creating association. Who can tell the similarity between Marlboro and cowboys? Or sports cars and pretty girls? But marketing experts understand the psychological effects of association, that’s why they associate those unrelated things to promote the product they want to sell.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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