I met a girl. A 'crush' ofc...
I considered her 'the girl' for her heart of gold, and it is sooo desirable to me, to see a girl having this nurturing side, plus self love to her, which she expresses confidently.
Now i suffer from a disease called morbus crohn.
I lost 20 kg in weight.
Thing is i have high functioning autism, which means i get that my object distinctification doesn't work the way of a 'normal' person.
Now the point is, because of this autism block and me lose 20 kg weight made be insanely weird.
I had gotten to the point of making her very attracted to me, but to never act up to it, because my crohns started fucking me over.
I met her a last time, winking with a millitary salute while on the bike, thinking that to act stupid, would prolly be best, because i at the time had no other way or idea of how to explain to her what was going down with me.
It took me a solid 3 years to get back my weight + my normality.
Thing is, i lacked so much mental energy that, i didn't function normally and i just knew logically, that i wannet to spare her of it.
My mistake is i never said anything to her.
I contacted her a few times varied over 6 months lately, after 'now what has almost lasted 3 years' explaining my stance back then, that i was sorry and so forth.
She gives me the cold shoulder and i pretty much know exactly why that is.
I thought about going out of my comfort zone and try something new, that i weren't comfortable with, but i knew it would have her reacting.
Now the distance btw me and the girl is like 50 km, so i went to her place, where she lives with her family with flowers and chocolate and explain my stance back then - because i dont like apologies over facebook.
I want to look her in the eyes.
Thing is it was all dark, when i had arrived there.
It was probably 21.30 pm when i arrived, but everything was turned off in the house.
I basically just put the flowers and chocolate on the grass 'in the garden' being a bit dissapointed that i couldn't see her, but i felt relieved at the same time ^^
Next morning i told her that and she was furious man, well not raging furious but was clearly mad.
She seemed to chill down a bit, when i explained why i did it.
She told me, that i am being fucking ridiculous and retarded.
That i SHALL NOT come to her home.
She dont have feelings for me anymore etc...
Thing is, she didn't seem all that irritated and i was just being chilled with the whole situation and
take her words with a grain of salt.
I was being honest when she talked to be and i failed to stand up with the 'absolutest abundance' just saying stuff like 'yea, ur right, i was probably just being a bit naive doing this and this, so forth...
but thing is, if i am to gain absolute abundance, i guess i can.
I considered the mission a fail and a success at the same time.
I poked her and got her to respond to me, but i see now, that it is going to become a battle, which i think is winnable but what do you guys think?