Help a Brotha Out!!

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Comments

  • Psciulli02
    So I sent her a text asking I just want the full truth! She finally respond by saying she loves me fully and wants everything like it was back in the beginning! She was saying she is very scared to love me again.

      I’m like awesome in my head. So I advised her by saying I reassure everything is different and how I am different and changed! I told her I think it’s a safe call that we just text and talk each day and go super slow with it. Since everything is too sensitive 
  • Patricia
    That's great but you can't just expect her to think things will be as they were or better. She needs time to see these changes from you. You need to invest time in yourself and improve what needs to be improved. Talk to her via texts but take it easy, take it slow. Comfort her and let her know you are there for her. Ask her what needs to be different, what would make your relationship great (even better than before?). 
  • Psciulli02
    Welp things didn’t turn out too great. She is too scared to fall in love with me. I asked her are we done is this it. Her response was “for now”. I’m just like whatever. So let the moving on process begin. 
  • Patricia
    I don't understand how you can go from let's give it a try to we're done for now in a day? I don't know. Maybe she needs space. Maybe you need some time to think about things (if you really love her and want to create something great with her or not). Again, you two need to start communicating better at some point, otherwise this will not work or/and you will both be unhappy.

    So many people get married thinking everything is great when it's not. If you aren't on the same page and don't get there after trying hard, then it's going to be hard to make it work. Give her some space and "work" on yourself. If you can, don't talk to her for a while, not texts, no nothing. Just give her space and if she texts always reply saying everything is ok, talk to her normally and let her know you are giving her the space she asked for and needs. Don't be rude or angry, just be calm and tell her this. I really hope this works out for both of you, but you must also be ready for it not working out because that can happen as well. 
  • Psciulli02
    You are preaching to the choir on that! Her mood changes like the weather. She saids she wants time and space away from me but then texts me. Then she requested we take it slow then all of sudden something happens and it changes again. 

    Now starting last night she wants to be done for now. And I’m like alright whatever goodbye. Of course I want things to work out. But right she needs to trust me again. She wants us back like no other, however she is afraid to fall in love with me again becuz she doesn’t want to get hurt. But meanwhile she’s the one that left me numerous of times. If anything, I should be the one with trust issues.

     Oh well, I’m going to give her time and space away from me act like it’s a official we will never talk again. She will obviously start to miss me and try to attempt to make contact with me. Right now everything is too fresh. She needs to figured out what she wants. She even stated she wasn’t sure. Nothing truly makes sense. Wants to be together but right now doesn’t know what she wants. Oh women!
  • Patricia
    Don't make the mistake of thinking all women are like this. Some women (and some men) are like this: changing their minds rapidly. Always try to think of the positives in people and not to generalize things by saying things like "Oh women!" or "all women do this" etc. If someone said "All men are insensible" or who knows what, how would you feel? You need to stay calm, and never generalize.

    Try to not talk as much about the person, try to talk about what is done wrong without attacking the person who is doing it. By doing this you spare the feelings of others, become better yourself and ae thinking of right solutions to actual problems. You'll solve nothing if you "attack" a person especially one that you care about. 

    She probably needs time to figure things out. The question is: when you get back together, what needs to be done to avoid this from happening over and over again?
  • Psciulli02
    My apologies, this situation is frustrating. I told her what we need to fix on. I told her a list of things I need to work on. Instead of constantly arguing, I was going to ignore her for 20 mins to an hour to let things cool down then start texting again. 

    But As for right now, there’s really nothing I can do at this point. Just wait until she once again goes through the cycle I’m done talking to him wait 2- weeks then hits me back up again. (Low key I’m hoping she does that again) but we will see how this plays out. There’s no game plan. Just again waiting to see when she does misses me I’ll be here waiting 
  • Patricia
    Look, I know it's frustrating, but the fact is that relationships can be like that all the time. Don't kid yourself in thinking this won't happen again - it probably will. Until you are both on the same boat, heading in the same direction, communicating and trying to balance each others "weaknesses" you won't get anywhere. You will be doing this "dance" for some time if not always. I (and I'm sure you have as well) seen many couples doing the same old things, having the same arguments about the same things. It's easy to see it from the outside, but when you're in, you lose the perspective. 

    Your idea about cooling off is good. It's better to just leave the room when you're upset and she has to understand to leave you alone for some time. You have to do the same for her (but see what she needs, she might need something different than you). 
  • Psciulli02
    It’s all over now. I just found out she is starting see that guy again. It sucks, doesn’t help they see each other every day at school. I called her out on it just be honest with me and she was so rude to me. Idk why she said “for now” let’s break apart when she is going to see this other guy. 

    While she she was texting me two days ago. She was at his house. Nothing makes sense. I’m confuse on why you want to hold off for now and start dating someone else. Yes, I get the expression if it’s meant to be than it will be. The thing about it is if that was the case we could of worked it out. She wants to try new things and I need to work on myself. 

    Thank for listening me the past month. I told her she would never hear from me again. But I also end it on the good note saying if you ever miss me you know where to come find me. Becuz true love never dies. But goodbye !  That’s it. I end it on that. I sent her a cute pic of us too to remind her about us but nothing. 
  • Patricia
    So sorry to hear that :(. So, let me see if I understand this correctly: she said there wasn't any guy and there actually is one? So she was lying? 

    When you say you need some space you don't go out with someone else right away. At least, that's what I think. I understand you love her and want to be there for her but maybe, just maybe this is just not the right time for you two. Maybe in some years, things will change. 

    It's good to end it on a good note with her and I want you to keep in mind 2 things: 1) it's great to tell her that you are there for her but 2) you don't want to be the guy that's always there when she wants to come back and then just leave you when she feels like it. Keep these 2 things in balance and at some point (not now) maybe next year, tell her you won't be there forever (romantically) for her. You will be as a friend and that's it. 

    You're very welcome and I am here if you need help or someone to talk to. I'm sure you will eventually find the right girl for you (whether it's her or someone else) but I strongly recommend you keep pushing yourself to become better. Keep reading, watching videos, etc. Take notes and start becoming the man you want to be. And don't watch "stupid" videos that are not based on meaningful relationships. Always look for the best people to follow and to read from. 
  • Psciulli02
    See that’s question we don’t know, did she lied to me? I asked her about it when I last talked to her she said no. They could of been talking while we were slowly fading out, not entirely sure. But it really doesn’t matter because we weren’t together. Just hanging on a moment. 

    Yes this stings a lot it’s unbareable pain. But it’s for the best for now, after she was calling me rude things showing me her daily horoscope to tell her to “carry on” because there was nothing holding her back. I went from her to just mad and done with her. I forgive her actions but I don’t forget. She was doing that to get a rise out of me, I’m sure. 

    The thing that boggles me, is that two days ago she stated she wanted this to work out more than I ever know. It’s kinda hard to believe after everything that just happen. I am not sure if that’s fake or legit. Now that she’s talking to someone else, I’m feeling like it was fake. However, timing is everything due to being immature, maybe sometime in the future when she is done with school it can work out, but by then we could both be involve in serious relationship or have no feelings whatsoever!

    since I have high hopes and Celine in faith. Something in my brain tells me this isn’t over. Like she said “for now” I think she wants something with me. I can’t see her not talking to me anymore considering she couldn’t go a day without talking to me because she missed me so much.  Her birthday is in 47 days I wonder if she can go 47 days without texting me I’m just gonna be really casual on her birthday just text her late at night (so she thinks I don’t care) saying happy birthday take care bye that’s it . Now I am not going  to run on that because I really do need to MoveOn work on myself however it’s still thought process. 

     if she ever comes back I’m not gonna run to her like everything‘s gonna be OK she’s going to have to really show me that she’s really serious and want to be with me because after the remarks that her recent actions there’s no way that I would just run back like I said I forgive people but I don’t forget . 

    The sad part is I don’t give up, But it’s meant to be it full be, right now it’s not the right timing sure wasn’t in the first place but still got love for her and still wanna work things out. 
  • Patricia
    It's understandable that you can't just let go like that because you love her. I'm not saying to let go, just give it a break and see what happens. And be ready for it not to ever work out. It can happen. 

    If I'm not too personal, what is your age and her age?

    It's great to not give up on people and things. That's a great quality so don't be sad about that. It will surely help you in your life. 

    I don't know if she was lying or not and that is important. If you ever find out, let me know. 

    As for the horoscope, while there is probably something there, I wouldn't live my life based on that. That just seems like an excuse to me. If you love someone you do what needs to be done and not point fingers at a horoscope saying "this says to carry on so that's what I need to do". Just my 2 cents about this. 
  • Psciulli02
    I am just going to let it go for now. She’s seeing someone else and I need to focus on bettering my career. She struggles not to talk to me so to go 46 days without no contact I will be truly impressed. The reason why I say 46 becuz of her birthday. Like I said before just happy birthday take care done. 

    She will be turning 21 so she’s still immature and dumb. I was that age before. She claims she independent but she still has that mindset. I am 26. So that part of my life is slowly fading out want something more serious. Hard to do that with someone that young. 

    Se never cheated on me. I just don’t like how she was talking two guys at once, one being me. But then again we weren’t seeing each other. She made statements in the past if I saw you again my doubts would go away. Now I’m not gonna visit her I should have no reason too. But one day I’ll need to see if that will ever spark anything up. We will see how this plays out. But right now it’s looking like it’s going to be if it’s meant to be it will be. 
  • Patricia
    She is still a teenager while you are more mature in thinking. She probably needs a few more years to realize you are what she needs but like you said, you could be in a relationship by then. It's going to be hard to let her go for a while (or for more time depending on what happens) but it's probably for the best right now.

    If she wants to give it another go at some point (it might happen in a week or in a month) try to set some boundaries and rules from the start. Don't make the same mistakes you (both) did in the past. Show her you changed and are changing and expect more from her as well. Just because you have strong feelings right now it doesn't mean (in case she doesn't change her thinking) you'll always love her. You might get to point where you just don't like her ways, her thinking and just want to move on. If you don't grow together you won't stay together for long (and this goes for anyone else you may end up dating). 
  • Psciulli02
    That’s what I’m thinking too. Timing screwed with me right now it was a great relationship however due to age and immaturity it just ruined things. She even said she didn’t know what she needed. However, this guy sweep her out from the rug and distracting her from me. It’s whatever it sucks getting replaced. Only thing that goes for me she always said wherever she went she thought of me when it was something like objects or places. I was always everywhere to her. I hope that still the case. I’m sure she just blocks it out. 

    Something tells me years from now she will come back to see if I am still here. I wouldn’t know how to react to it. But then again she could never come back. Time will only tell. 

    I told I changed and I realized my mistakes and I fixed them. They were only simple flaws but that is because I cared too much. But that can work against me too. I don’t necessarily hate her at the moment I hate her behavior. So idk how this is going to play out if she comes back or not. And if she does will it last 


  • Patricia
    Yes, time will tell. You can never know what will happen. The question is: years from now (or whenever it happens) will you want to have her back?

    You said "they were only simple flaws" - try to see these as they are really and truly - don't make them smaller than they are or you will not grow. You know best (in your heart) if they were small or serious. It's better to treat them as serious and actually want to do and think differently and not repeat them. You can't grow as a person if you minimize your faults. No matter how little you are to "blame" for this relationship going bad. Tom Bilyeu has a bunch of self-signaling t-shirts and one of them says "Everything is my fault". Although that's not the case here, it's best to think like that and mean it and that will open the doors to you becoming even awesomer than you already are ;)
  • Psciulli02
    To answer question I am not too entirely sure. Obviously, I say yess to now. But the future might be different I could say no. I could say no now for all the hurt she has inflict. I forgave her as the religious man I am. However I don’t forget but I don’t hold grudges. 

    Yes, I need to work on myself a little bit more and learn a hard lesson regarding this recent relationship and it’s problems. No one is here to blame anyone that’s just too petty. The sad thing is we couldn’t look past it and fix them. Doesn’t help when other factors were factored in. But it is what it is, shit happens! It’s tragic but that’s how it goes. I am just going to play this out as she doesn’t exist anymore. This way I don’t have high hopes and I can’t be disappointed. 
  • Patricia
    It's difficult to forget such things (but in time, and if your relationship starts again and makes progress, you should try to forget). It's good that you don't hold grudges and that you aren't upset at her but at her behavior. That is always the way to go. 

    Unfortunately, her being just 21 makes it hard for her to understand what she has now (you) or/and she may need something from this guy so she can get this out of her system. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying here. I've seen this a few times. A girl or man has a wonderful partner but it's just not the right time for that relationship. After it ends, a few months or years pass and they cry over letting those people go but sometimes it's just too late. Other times, the old flames rekindle once more. 

    It's probably better (in this case) to have low expectations from this relationship. You don't know what will happen later. Be there for her as a friend but if she ever wants to be something more, try to let her know there are some rules you both most acknowledge and follow for this to work. In the meantime focus on getting better, on improving yourself both relationship wise and work wise (maybe you could learn something new at work and get paid more or maybe change to a better paying job). The idea is to start focusing your attention on other things besides this. 
  • Psciulli02
    It is diffcult to let go or not try to pursue this 100% considering I do not have a fighting chance on this. I have nothing but hope and memories where she could be forgetting them or avoid thinking about them! She can either think about me or be completely done with me. Part of me right now says she’s done with me for good. The other part saids give it time she will miss me even tho it’s competely done and over with. I’m always going to be there for her even if she closed the door on me. 


    Right now now she doesn’t know what she wants at her age it’s a tough age of figuring out from college mindset into an adult mindset. They think they know what they want and what’s good for them but they don’t see the bigger picture. But my best option is to act like she doesn’t exist in my life block her out completely. If she comes back that’s my decision if I want to try this all over again and in my way of new ground rules or if I just say no I’m not interested anymore. But truly I believe I still have a chance left. But I accepted the fact there’s no her left in my life and future. 
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