I had been dating my ex girl since july. Fell madly in love and was great for first several months. Started having some issues a month or two ago ( I wasn't considerate enough, I had some contact with my ex's platonic but still there) I broke all contact after our last major fight a week before the break up to show her I didn't need or care to keep even a platonic relationship with them, that she was all I wanted. It was too little too late, she felt like I only did it to appease her and she had wanted me to make that decision on my own...(I'm a dense guy) hadnt realized it was that big of an issue to her. I was sorely mistaken. There are some other issues, I'm a combat vet and deal with severe PTSD, (one of my coping mechanism is drinking) I understand its not healthy and realize some of the issues come from that. She left me a week before Christmas. She wants me to get help and I am, havent been drinking minus one bad night where I ended up being "that" guy,..talking and texting drunk. It was all bad... But we talked the next day and she said that it was a prime example of one of the things she was talking about. I havent gotten drunk since. The very next day after that she had some drinks herself and ended up inviting me over and we of course had a "good night".. She told me I was all she wanted that she missed me and loved me "during our nocturnal activities". We slept and got up and showered and went to breakfast and on the way home she made the move to hold my hand. She said there cant be an "us" until I'm healthy and that all she could do is be friends with "some" benefits. This was new years eve, she had plans to go out with her sister and friends and did. Sje got plastered and had a good time. I wenr to my brothers and had a quiet night was home in bed by 130. She stopped textinf about midnight and didn't hear from her until the next day. New years day we talked and said she could come out if she wanted to and she said if I wanted her to, I of couse said yes I did. She came out I made her food to cure her hang over we watched a movie and took a nap. She got up aboit 6pm and said she should go. So she huged and kissed me goodbye and left. The next 2 days she was cold as ice! When I left a group chat with several of our friends she asked why and Son I told her I was feeling like I wasnt wanted and that they had probably been making jokes behind my back to which she replied that was jot the case just that she was being quiet because we arent in a "relationship" and wants me to focus on dealing with my stuff and healing from the old internal war wounds". 

Now heres another issue... We have a mutual friend. I work with him. They had been seeing and slept with eachother for a few months before we got together but when she asked where they were going he didn't want a relationship so she ended the physical aspect of their relationship months before her and I got together. They didnt talk much while her and I were together but over the last several days I can tell they have been talking a lot more and I'm pretty sure they are either already hanging out again or will be very shortly. I haven't co fronted either of them on it and I dont plan to because I think that would cause more issues and damage than if I said nothing. I'm afraid they will start sleeping togerher again. 

She told me just yesterday that she hopes we can fix "us" down the line, but we have a long way to go before we can be together again...  Does this mean she wants to have me on the hook while I better myself and she is free to run around with my friend/her former lover and friend?! This has all transpired in the last week. Hasn't been three weeks since the break up and hasnt been a week even since she slept with me last... This woman is the "UNICORN" She's amazing, she's all I want and I jave never wanted something back so badly in all my life. Im in my early 30s by the way.

How do I get her back, and how do I deal with this former lover/friend!?!? 


  • 2 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Patricia

    1. You MUST join a group and start treating your PSTD very seriously. You’ve been through some very hard moments that not many people can understand. It seems like your girlfriend also wants you to get help so why aren’t you already? This would be the first step in showing her how much she means to you.

    2. Meet with her and have a serious chat. Tell her she means the world to you and that you are ready to do whatever it takes to get her back. Ask her what do you need to be doing so that happens. Then just listen. Don’t say anything, just listen and take mental notes of she says.


    Tell her that you are ready to do those things (if you really can) and ask her if she will wait for you. Then (depending on how things go and be very careful about this) ask her about that friend. Are they dating? Don’t be or get mad either way. Just tell her you love her and b supportive even though you might feel like screaming. Show her you can be a better man, calm and controlled.


    3. Start doing what she said. Keep in touch with her. Send her love messages. Show her that she’s always on your mind. And keep doing the things she said. Keep moving forward.


    Let us know how things go. 

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