She wants space

edited August 5 in Break Ups & Getting Back
Hello everyone! My name is Jacob and I am currently having a tough time handling this situation by myself, and could really use some advice.

My now ex and I have been dating for about 3 years. Thought the relationship, we would have our occasional fights, many of them consisting of me getting defensive on question she would ask about our future together. Last week she mentioned that she wanted to move to a town about an hour from where I currently work, and she would eventually want to move states.

Before actually analyzing the question, I immediately assumed the worst, that she was leaving me, that this relationship was over, and didn't even bother to actually deeply discuss it(defensive). When in reality she just wanted to know if I would commute. Everything was calm, we both were emotional, and I ended up leaving her house, very calmly. A few hours later I called her and stated it shouldn't be this way, trying to recover the relationship. She said she needs space to grow as a person and figure out herself, she can't handle the stress of the ups and downs that this relationship has at times. She believes it will be the best for the both of us.

We both love each other very much, but she was sick of dealing with the constant small arguments where we can never come to an agreement. She has felt unloved/unwanted a few times through the relationship(around 4 times), but we always worked it out. I got stuck on looking at the bigger picture of our future together, and ignored the small things, which she cares most about. My birthday is the 9th, and she HAD plans to surprise me by taking me somewhere. So 3 days of no talking, I called her and asked if she would spend my birthday with me, as she is honestly the only person I would love to spend it with, she agreed, but stated that "I don't want to get back together at this point.".

I called her after i read that text, and she again stated that she needs time to herself and doesn't know what the future holds for us. We haven't been talking for a week now, and I'm waiting for the 9th to get here. I plan on just having fun while we are away for the weekend, I will not bring up the relationship at all, unless she feels ready to talk. Even after this is all said and done, I plan on giving her space, and acting like nothing happened, besides a good time. I guess my question here, is am I dealing with this correctly? Is there any advice on winning her back one final time, proving that this will indeed be different?


  • 2 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Patricia

    Hi Jacob,

    If she felt unloved at least 4 times then you two should seriously have talked about this and why she felt that way and especially what you and her would do so this doesn’t happen again.


    I think you need to let her know that you are ok with her having some time for herself but also let her know you care for her deeply and want to become the man she always knew you could. Ask her (without putting any pressure on her and let her know this) what things you need to change or improve about yourself. Just tell her you want to be better and are very, very serious about it. Tell her you are sorry for all the times she felt unloved and mean it. 

    Start making notes – I’m serious – make notes about what she things you could improve on. If she asks what she can improve, say nothing – you’re already amazing. Focus on yourself because it’s so much easier to change yourself than anyone else. If you have questions let us know –we’re here to help!

  • Patricia

    Happy birthday, Jacob! Even if I’m a little late to the party I still want to wish you all the best! I’m also curios what happened between you and your ex. I know this day was important so do let us know how it went (good or bad) if you happen to see this.


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