I found out he’s been cheating on me with another women.
I’m upset and feel disappointed that he wasn’t the one to tell me and I had to
find out from someone else. He’s apologized but I’m still very hurt. What would
@Tina – That seems too harsh for me. I can’t say that I
will forgive him, I just don’t know and if I do, it’s going to take some time
before I can do it. And he will have to make it up to me a LOT.
@Amelia – Yes, I agree. It would have been much better if
he would have just admitted. I would have had an extra reason to forgive him.
I wouldn’t forgive him. I couldn’t. When I’m with
someone, that’s all I want. I wouldn’t go around and cheat on them. I respect
myself too much to do that.
Personally, I could (eventually) get over the cheating
part. The problem is why didn’t he say anything? That’s what’s bothering me. We
are humans and we make mistakes and we end up hurting our loved ones but we
must also be able to admit we made a mistake and not hope no one finds out.
The question is: do you really love him? And does he love
you back? If he’s just with you for the sex or money or has a hidden agenda,
why would you forgive him?
You have to find out why he did this. What was the reason
behind it? This is very, very important! Did he cheat on you just because he
could? Did he need something else that you wouldn’t/couldn’t give to him? Ask
him why did he do it and let us know.
My ex boyfriend did this to me and when I asked him why
he tried to lie to me and said he needed sex and that I wasn’t as close to him.
I realized he just did it because the opportunity came up and I couldn’t live
with someone like that so I let him go. It wasn’t easy but I realized I didn’t
want this. I want someone who I can trust, love, appreciate and not second
guess every time.
@Lucia – I love him and I think (99% sure) he loves me
back. I don’t think there’s any hidden agenda, but what do I know? I thought he
wouldn’t cheat on me and he did .
@Fiona – this is very interesting. I didn’t consider his
reason(s). I will definitely ask him today and get back to you.
@Sarah – How did you realize he was lying to you?
Ok, so I asked him why. What he said kind of shocked me.
He said it wasn’t anything planned, it just happened. He said he just felt
neglected by me. He didn’t tell me he cheated because he felt bad and thought I
would leave him. I wasn’t expecting this to turn around and bite me. He does
have a point. Even if he did cheat on me and I’m mad about that, I did kind of
neglect him. I don’t know what to think now.
I’m going to blunt: how often do you have sex? once
weekly? Less than that. Most men need “it” at least twice every week. It’s just
in their genes I guess. Anything less and he might feel neglected but that
doesn’t mean he couldn’t have talked to you about it.
Be blunt, I don’t mind. We make love 4-6 times monthly so
I guess that could be a problem. Apparently sex is much more important to him
(men in general?) than it is to me. I’ve told him that I feel hurt he didn’t
tell me the problem, that he cheated and that he didn’t have the guts to tell
me about it. I also told him I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with him and
that I need some time to be in a position to forgive him. Once I get there, I
will make sure I won’t neglect him again. He will also have to do a lot of
things differently to “make up” for what he did. So, I will probably forgive
him (just not right away).
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