Commitment phobia in women has become prevalent these days. It’s no longer predominantly male issues. More and more females are becoming afraid of commitment everyday.

If you have problems in your relationship regarding her commitment, then this is the right place for you. Here you will find the tips and advice on how to deal her fear of commitment so that you both do not have to jeopardize a precious, once in a lifetime relationship.

The Cause of Commitment Phobia in Women

Unlike men, whose fear of commitment usually caused by reluctance to give up his freedom, most women become afraid of commitment because of hurts from their previous relationships. But bad experience such as family/parents divorce, childhood abuse, close friend’s abusive relationship or even a stereotyping can also be the culprit.
To help overcome her commitment phobia, it would be much better if you could identify the cause. That way, you’ll be able to know what she needs most and what you can do for her.

But, if she can not even know why and what makes her like that, or if you suspect that it was from the trauma in her childhood (ever been abused, ill-treated), then you’d better take her to the professionals such as priests or psychologists and psychiatrists to help her overcome her trauma and her commitment phobia.

Understanding Her Mentality

You might be confused of her acts. She seems to always restrain herself from you every time you try to talk to her seriously about the relationship.

You love her, and from what you perceive, you know that she’s in love with you, too. But what is it that makes her so hesitate to commit herself to you fully and even hurts you by keeping her distance from you?

A woman who has fear of commitment problem lives in paradox. The paradox is, she craves what she fears the most: love and connection. It is love and connection that she desires the most. She literally dreams it. But her fear stands in the way. She can’t help it but sheering off when she feels that she has become too close to the man she loves.

That’s why she did all that she did: although she loves you, she often becomes so critical to you or hurts you with her words and actions. It is as if she wanted to sabotage and destroy every good things that you both have in the relationship.

What To Do

I know it is frustrating. Dealing with such an ambivalent person is emotionally draining. But I want you to know that commitment phobia is not a terminal illness. Many men and women have ever been delivered from that miserable situations. But it takes love, I mean, deep love, patience, understanding… and resolution to help the one with that syndrome.

The choice is yours. Is it your “once in a lifetime” relationship? How much do you love her? Is she “the one” that you deeply love from your heart and soul? If yes, than don’t quit! Breaking up doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be able to stop loving her.

I believe that for every man, there is a woman from whom she was divinely created (in Adam and Eve legend, Eve was created from one of Adam’s rib). And she is “the one”, the only one that the man can ever truly love.

If the man meets her, anywhere in his life, he will never be able to stop loving her no matter hard he tries. And the feelings will be reciprocal because both of them “made from the same ingredients”.

So, if she is “the one” for you, trying to stop loving her will be like trying to get out of your own skin. And losing her will be the greatest regret in your life!

So, if you’re sure that she’s the one for you, then this is the list that you can do to help her:

Understand what are the anxieties about

Is it about fear of intimacy, fear of being cheated, being left alone, or something else? Try to understand and appreciate it. If she fears it then it matters to her.

Don’t laugh at it and don’t take it lightly. And don’t be too fast judging her as selfish, too, if what she fears is offending you like fear of being burdened financially.

If someone had ever exploited her financially in the past, for example, she is totally entitled to that feeling. And it proves that her commitment phobia is not totally baseless.

In the mean time – until she can overcome her fear of commitment – try to find a compromise that you both can live with in anyway possible.

Be tough and sincere in showing your love

A woman with a commitment phobia usually has gone through many disappointing relationships, or at least, has seen too many saddening relationships that all ended badly.

To help her, you must have emotional maturity and matured mind. You must show toughness and resiliency in order for her to see that you’re really someone that she can trust and rely on.

Lead her

No matter how tough and independent a woman seems, she always needs a man who can lead her and give her the feeling of security and protection. So, don’t always yield to her requests. Be the one who leads in your relationship. But lead with love, gently.

Heart-to-heart talk

Open your communication channel: listen to what she has to say. Sometimes all that you have to do is just listening to her. A woman with a commitment phobia needs it more than average women.

But, if she starts to being negative, then correct her and lead her to think and say in more positive way.

For example, if she says like this: “How if I lose you again? How if something terrible happens to you and you die leaving me alone here?”, you can reply her with “It’s only an if, isn’t it? I am here now with you, alive and well. Be positive and stop being negative. Why no thinking this way instead: how happy we’ll be if we can be together and enjoy our happiness forever!”


Winning a woman with commitment phobia is usually not as hard as winning a commitment-phobic man. Usually women are more appreciative to faithfulness and more sensitive than men to love and tenderness. The key here is patience and resolution.

But I don’t recommend you to after her if you don’t really sure whether she is your “the one” or not. Winning her can be very frustrating and emotionally draining. You may ruin your heart and soul in doing that. So, unless she’s your “one”, breaking up is the best advice that I can give to you.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.


  1. I married to a commitment phobic girl for 5 years. But she is not willing to leave me even after coercing her to cheat on me. Please advise.

  2. Inaccurate. Some women (and men too) are simply too individualistic or unconventional to desire marriage. Whether it’s hard for you to handle or not, the fact of the matter is that marriage is mainly for having children. It’s not really for ‘true love’ or any other foolish nonsense like that (usually this is nothing more than infatuation and wears off quick within a couple of years). For those of us who have no maternal or paternal instinct, there is no motive to marry. Sometimes you can find a really good friend of the opposite sex who you are extremely compatible with. In this case, cohabitation or domestic partnership are good choices that allow you to retain your individuality and financial independence while still enjoying the daily companionship of a wonderful friend.

  3. The Serious Sad Truth Reply

    Well it is real fact that many women nowadays do have Commitment Issues with men since they like going with different men all the time and Can’t settle down with just Only One unfortunately. And most of these women are the Biggest Cheaters of them all which is very sad since i had this happened to me already and friends that i know went through the same thing as well. Been there and done that.

  4. Hey! I know this is not the main topic. But I want to add: There is no such thing as “the one”. And especially when the partner is a comm. Phobe it’s even harder to know if you are really compatible.

  5. Patrick Reply

    My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. A lot of what was
    written really resonates with the situation. We are both in our early
    30s, but we met about 8 years ago. I was actually ambivalent when it
    came to a relationship. After several months of being friends, I
    realized it was something I wanted but at that point, she didn’t want
    a relationship. After some time, I got past this, but we remained
    connected over the years on social media so I always saw what was
    going on in her life from a distance, but I had no ill feelings or
    anything of that sort.

    In June, I reached out to her through facebook messenger, something I
    had actually done before over the years. I never really had ulterior
    motives. After some back and forth conversations, she asked if I
    wanted to catch up over drinks. I casually accepted, although, in my
    mind, I emphatically thought, “YES.” We cultivated a 5 month
    relationship. Nothing super long, but also not something to scoff at.
    We were vulnerable at times. She shared things about her past. Her
    father was at least verbally abusive, if not more. She told me she
    only has one good memory with her father. She also told me she doesn’t
    date just to date and it doesn’t seem like she’s had many
    relationships and the ones she’s had have been pretty short lived.
    She’s cut off things in the few relationships she’s tried, but she’s
    also been hurt. She told me she didn’t want to get hurt or hurt me.

    I know she desperately wants to be with someone and also wants a
    family, but she can’t seem to make things work that will give her
    this. I think she fits the profile of having commitment issues. When
    she was breaking up with me, she brought up all those years before,
    saying I was all in and she wasn’t and she is afraid that is the case
    today, after she had hoped it would work out this time. I’m wondering
    if it was because I specifically was all in, or just the fact that
    someone was all in, and it tipped of the anxiety. Because of our past,
    and my other attempts at dating/relationships, I truly felt like we
    had something. I won’t go so far as to say she is “the one,” but I am
    truly connected and just want it to work. Is there anything that can
    be done now that she has actually broken up with me?

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