In order to have happier & more successful life, you need to change your attitude to the positive one. Usually, positive attitude derived from positive & optimistic way of thinking. So, attitude is very closely related to way of thinking (or in other word: mindset).

Many even mix attitude with mindset. They use the term attitude as mindset and vice-versa, or even just regard them as the same for simplicity. But I’d rather define it as the pattern of actions and reactions, consciously or unconsciously, seen or unseen to our environment, resulted from our way of thinking about certain things or events.

From that definition, it is clear that attitude is the result of our way of thinking. A positive and optimistic mindset will result in positive and good attitude, too. Conversely, negative & pessimistic way of thinking will result in negative and bad attitude.

So, it is imperative to reform your way of thinking to positive and optimistic one if you want to change your attitude to positive. But reforming the way of thinking is not an overnight process. It could take long time, depending on your will and persistence, until the new positive mindset can become natural to you.

“Shortcut” to Attitude Change

But thank God, you don’t have to wait that long to get the benefits of the positive attitude in your relationship with others. You can start the process to change your attitude by, first, “copying” the good attitude you wish to have.

By “copying the attitude”, I mean: you act as if the attitude is already your own nature. For example, if you are a shy guy, you can try to force yourself first to act more openly and confidently: greet your friends first before they greet you, shake their hands more firmly, smile wider, be more talkative etc..

Of course you will feel awkward at first. But ignore that feeling. Just focus on your goal: to change your attitude for having better life.

And do you know something? Actually, copying the positive attitude will in turn help you a lot in the process of rebuilding your mind to the positive mindset. So, it’s somewhat like a reciprocal process.

Tips to Change Your Attitude

Some people call this technique of “copying” as “Fake it till you make it”. But I’d rather call it “Behaving your way to success” because of the discipline and persistence required in the process, and also the psychological effect of the term “fake” (nobody likes to feel or be called “fake” I guess)smile emo

“Okay, so now, what kind of traits that we need to copy?”, you ask. “And copy from whom? Who can be our example? We need a model, don’t we?”

Yes, to help you change your attitude it would be better if you can have someone as a model, or preferably as a tutor. But finding such one might not be easy, depending on your circumstances.

To find him, look around you. Find among your friends or people around you that seem successful with girls/women. Men that you see are very popular among women. And then pick one or two as your model in your process to change your attitude.

But don’t pick the ones who are too handsome, too rich or something like that (you know why, don’t you? angel emo ). Just pick the ones who are, in your opinion, “as average as you” or “below you” so that you won’t easily find excuses when you fail later. (Remember what the old saying says: “There is no failure except in no longer trying”).

If you have found your models then watch them, learn from them, get acquaintance with them and ask them advice if possible. Know how they act, talk, especially to women. Observe what they do and say when they are approaching women, their reactions to the woman’s responses, etc… and copy them! Do this in order to change your attitude and mindset faster.

But if you can not find one, don’t be discouraged. There are obvious pattern of attitudes that are mostly liked by women everywhere. If you can change your attitude to that beneficial pattern, you’ll surely much more successful in your venture with women. I’ll list them for you in the next sub-section.

Behaving Your Way to Success

Behaving Your Way to Success in relationshipThe most important thing in this process is discipline and perseverance. In the beginning, of course you will feel awkward, shame, fearing what others might think of you. Ignore that feeling, just focus on the benefits you will reap when you have successfully change your attitude to positive.

Each woman differs from the other on what she likes or dislikes. While Sally, for example, likes a man who decides the time and place for a date, Minnie is more independent: she prefers the guy to ask her opinion first. But, however, in general there are some certain attitudes that most women expect from a man. And below are the traits that you can exercise in order to change your attitude:

Ability to lead
To some degree, every woman wants a guy who can lead her. Although the degree varies, in general women love to be lead, gently. So, if you want to ask a girl for a date, for instance, it will be much better if it is YOU who choose the dating place. That way, you show her implicitly that you are a guy who can decide and lead. If she objects, she will say it and gives her suggestion.

Don’t be nervous
This might be the hardest of all, especially if the girl you want to approach is exquisitely beautiful or if you are really in love with her… Yes, almost every guy is nervous before the woman/girl he has crush on.

Although it’s common case, however I must tell you that this nervousness is bad. You must control this emotion. It could ruin your chance to get her because you will hardly look confident. She could even perceive you as a needy man!

You must change your attitude and get rid of this syndrome immediately! Honestly, there is no other cure for this “disease” unless you have your mindset totally reformed so that you have very positive image about yourself.

But if you are willing to train yourself to approach as many girls as you can every day, in time your nervousness will disappear. Do that without any special thought/burden such as to make her attracted to you or something like that.

Just saying hello and have some chit-chat will do. The more important thing is: to build your self-confidence and courage. You must be able to cope with that fear of rejection.

If she rejects, so what? There are so many other girls out there that you can approach and befriend with. The sky won’t fall into the ground just because of it. Not a big deal!

Make eye contact and smile
Change your attitude to positive: make eye contact with people you interact with. Eye contact is important. It promotes sincerity. And it gives impression to the other party that we have nothing to hide.

Make eye contact in conversation, or to the girl that you want to approach. But don’t stare! Three seconds eye contact is enough. More than that can be considered too aggressive or even threatening. And don’t forget to smile! Believe me, smiles can do wonders!

If she smiles back, get up from your seat and approach her. Introduce yourself or use any opening line you think appropriate. Don’t just sit there thinking and contemplating. It’s useless and you might lose your rare chance to know her.

This might be hard to do if you are a shy guy. But you must do this to change your attitude to better one or else you will never experience better romantic life.

Bring fun
Everybody loves good laugh. So, prepare yourself with stocks of good jokes or funny stories. If you can make her laugh, unconsciously she will be more attracted to you and enjoy your presence.

Don’t show your anxiety
Even if you are the ugliest man in the world and she is the notable Miss Intergalactic, never ever show your anxiety. You know why? Because you’ll be marked “casual/unimportant” by her brain and thus automatically be neglected.

Women with that quality usually get approached at least 3-5 times a day, by different guys. That means 90-150 men monthly, or 1,095-1,825 yearly

Well, maybe not But the point is, a woman like that gets approached a lot. So, if you want to be notified, you must be “different”, unique.

How? Hmmm, what do you usually do to make such girl attracted to you? Commonly, most men become so nice to such girl. He will do anything to please her, hoping that she will be impressed and thankful, and in return will feel obliged favor him over other “competitors”.

He just doesn’t realize the fact that other guys do the same. So, for her he is just one among hundreds, or maybe thousands – not very impressing. So, if you don’t want to be “forgotten”, you must act differently.

Listen, don’t dominate the conversation
Everybody wants to be listened. So, give her what she wants: listen to what she says. Train yourself to change your attitude to be a better listener.

At the beginning you might have to talk more in your effort to break the ice. But once the conversation has been going through, restrain yourself from dominating the conversation. Maybe you can give her open questions and let her express herself in responding to them.

Be relax. Think positive about yourself and visualize in your head the positive outcome of your approach. Don’t forget to smile because smile can greatly help to make her put the shield down.

When you sit, you can sit back with legs open wide or one leg on top of the other, maybe with your hands behind your head. But never sit with your hand suspending your chin because you will look very uncertain about yourself.

Walk high and not too fast
Change your attitude in your walk. Don’t walk with your back bent forward or your eyes fall to the ground. It will clearly show that you are a man with little or no self-confidence. And don’t walk too fast, too. People who know what they are doing hardly seem hasty.

Speak slowly and clearly
Have you ever observed that a man with authority usually doesn’t speak fast? He speaks slowly and clearly as if he wants to be sure that everyone understands what he expects them to do. If you use to speak too fast, change your attitude in the way you speak.

Handling rejections
Some women love to “test” men who approach them while some others are really bitchy. If the girl you address doesn’t respond well to you, don’t take that personally. Just try to accost her again and see how she reacts.

If she looks disturbed, then just apologize and leave her. Don’t act like a jerk by saying bad things to her. If you use to behave like that, then change your attitude. In addition, no need to focus on just one girl. There are plenty other women that are waiting for your attention.

Keep this in your mind: if a woman rejects you, it’s not your loss. It’s hers because she will lose a rare chance to get to know a very promising guy! Maybe this sounds cocky, but really, this is the mindset that you should have in your head. No one will appreciate you unless you appreciate yourself.

Never ever talk negative about any other guy
Especially to the woman you are approaching! Or else she will perceive you as a wussy, an unconfident man who is afraid of competition. Believe me, this is very bad!

Don’t flatter her!
You might find this advice strange, but this is true! A beautiful girl gets so much flattery everyday from so many guys. So, be different! Your praises are not for sale!

Change your attitude! Don’t be too easy to praise! You may praise her, of course, but mix it with a little tease. Instead of just saying “Wow, your are beautiful!”, say it like this instead: “You are beautiful! But too bad, you’re not my type!”.

Don’t be afraid to do this. Logically, this kind of act will make her turned off to you. But women are not logical being. They are emotional. Instead of making her turned off, you will raise her curiosity! (This technique is called flirting).

Walk high and not too fast
Change your attitude in your walk. Don’t walk with your back bent forward or your eyes fall to the ground. It will clearly show that you are a man with little or no self-confidence. And don’t walk too fast, too. People who know what they are doing hardly seem hasty.

Speak slowly and clearly
Have you ever observed that a man with authority usually doesn’t speak fast? He speaks slowly and clearly as if he wants to be sure that everyone understands what he expects them to do. If you use to speak too fast, slow down a bit.

As I have said before, all these require perseverance. Discipline yourself and do all these, and feel how your romantic life turns to more happy one!


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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