Whoever hears about abusive relationships immediately thinks of physical aggression. But know that this is not the only sign that the relationship is totally harmful to women. In many cases, in fact, there is no physical violence, but there is obviously moral violence.

“Blackmailing, humiliation, disqualification, rejection, abuse of power, demotion, that is, the practice of any action that makes the woman feel mistreated or embarrassed is characterized as moral violence,” explains a psychologist from São Paulo. Learn how to recognize the main signs of moral and/or physical violence and check out the guidelines to get rid of an abusive relationship as soon as possible.

Abusive relationships are more common than one can imagine. The problem is that many women don’t realize or “pretend not to realize” that the relationship is harmful, either because they still love their partner or because they are afraid of ending it.

Recognizing the situation is the first step to getting rid of an abusive relationship, so pay attention to the main signs:

1. He/she is very jealous

No, excessive jealousy is not a “sign of love. Your partner thinks that you should not talk to other people; he/she “frowns” every time he/she sees you interacting with someone; he/she thinks that, everywhere, there is someone looking at you or “hitting on you”?!

Know that all this is not normal, and much less a sign that he/she loves you. Unfortunately, it is much more associated with the fact that he/she thinks that you are his/her “property”.

2. He/she makes you feel that you don’t understand certain topics

Even if he/she doesn’t say it openly, do you notice that your partner thinks that you don’t understand certain topics?

This can happen both when you are talking to each other and when you are among friends. Often, by the way, in subtle ways. In other cases it can be said in a direct/disrespectful way, for example, in a group conversation when your boyfriend or husband says: “don’t meddle, women don’t know about cars”.

3. He/she says you are crazy and/or make drama

Phrases like this show the desire of the partner to belittle you, make you doubt his own sanity and / or simply the desire to cut the conversation that, at that time, is not interesting to him.

4. He wants to control your life and your choices

Does your partner want to know every detail of what you did on the job? Does he/she try to determine what you will or will not do regarding work or studies? Does he/she have a say in what kind of clothes you “can and cannot wear”? Does it control your money and determine what you can spend it on?

Wanting to control every detail of your partner’s life is classic behavior within an abusive relationship.

She points out that question sabatinas (where? with whom? why? for what?) for any action or decision of the woman clearly demonstrates the intention to control. “This is also evident when the woman stops feeling deserving of privacy; when she thinks she will have to give satisfaction all the time,” she says.

“Some partners, by the way, control their partners through their cell phones. I’ve heard some women say that, before leaving home for work, they had to show their underwear to their partner; while others had their bodies submitted to a visual analysis made by their partners in search of marks.

5. He makes jokes about you in front of your friends

If your partner makes specific jokes about you, or about women in general, to “get your friends’ attention,” recognize that this attitude is totally disrespectful (as well as childish).

6. He/she doesn’t respect you when you say you don’t want sex

You don’t want to have sex, but he/she insists? Or worse, you always give in because you are afraid you won’t like it?

Have you ever heard your boyfriend or husband say that “a woman who doesn’t give any help opens up the competition”? Have no doubt about it, these are classic signs of an abusive relationship.

7. Sometimes he/she hits you hard or yells at you

Physical aggression is not only the act of hitting. She points out that there is no such thing as a hurtful joke: “If you were hurt, it wasn’t a joke, it was aggression.

Many times, situations like this are accompanied by speeches in which the partner tries to make you feel guilty for what happened: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean to be aggressive, you made me lose my head”.

8. He/she always tries to make you feel guilty for having started an argument

If any conversation becomes an argument and your partner claims that “it was you who started it”, this makes it clear that he does not want to follow up on the matter and does not give openness to dialogue between the couple.

9. He (she) says that, besides him (her), no one will love / accept you

“Fat like that, do you think anyone will want you besides me? “You don’t know how to do anything, who but me will accept that? “You’re stupid, you have to stay at home and be supported by me.

Offenses, both in terms of physical aspects and psychological and moral aspects, are typical in an abusive relationship and show a desire to diminish the partner and make her believe that, no matter how bad the relationship is, “she doesn’t deserve anything better than this.

10. He/she threatens to leave you

“If you keep on like this, I’m leaving for good”; “I can’t take these demands anymore, I’m breaking up with you”; “If you accept this job, it’s because you don’t love me” are just a few examples of blackmail and threats that should not be allowed in a relationship.

11. He/she is not happy with your achievements

Have you ever noticed that your partner is not happy when you come home from work happy, when you get a new job or a promotion, when you enroll in a new course and/or when you have a personal achievement?

This kind of attitude shows that he/she doesn’t respect your individuality, that he/she doesn’t like to see you “achieving yourself”, that he/she understands that your achievements should be only those tied to him/her.

12. He/she doesn’t like you to go out without him/her

He/she believes that you don’t need to go out with your friends, that you shouldn’t make friends with people at work, that only your relationship with him/her is enough.

And this should not be defined simply as jealousy, because it is much more related to a feeling of possession, of control.

In this context, there is often a fear on his/her part that other people around him/her will alert you to the fact that you are in an unhealthy relationship. This is why he/she wants you to continue living in “your own little world”.

13. He says that “nobody picks a quarrel between husbands and wives

Has your partner said this several times, both in relation to your relationship and to others’? Another typical behavior within a marriage/domestic relationship


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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