There are certain signs that you might be in a messy romance, and it’s important to know what they are right away. The sooner you know what these signs are, the sooner you will be able to make a good determination with regards to your own relationship. These signs should help you to realize whether or not your relationship is everything you thought it was.

1. You keep breaking up and getting back together
If you have a habit of getting into fights, breaking up and getting back together over and over, chances are your relationship is one great big mess. The fact is that two people who are in a healthy relationship don’t keep breaking up, so you will need to keep that in mind. A stable relationship means that you stay together consistently through thick and thin.

2. There isn’t any long-term purpose to your relationship
Another sign that your relationship is a mess is that there really isn’t any long term purpose to it. You should ask yourself whether or not you are in your relationship just to be in it or if there is an actual purpose. Some people are so desperate to be in a relationship because they have been single for so long that they get into a relationship on a whim, which is never a good thing.

3. You lack a deep connection with your partner
There are certain things that you love about your partner, but others that you absolutely hate. You need to ask yourself if you have a deep and lasting connection with this person as opposed to just a superficial attraction. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with finding your partner attractive, sex shouldn’t be the only thing going between the two of you in the relationship. There simply needs to be more there for the relationship to survive long term.

4. You seem perfect to others in public but are different in private
Perhaps you seem like a perfect couple to others on the outside, but in private you just aren’t working. This happens with a lot of couples, so it is a very common overall problem. Maybe you are struggling with jealousy issues or some other type of problem, but it’s just not working out. If there is a big difference between how you seem as a couple to others and how you actually are, you might want to reexamine things.

5. You have lots of unresolved issues
One of the biggest killers of any relationship is tons of unresolved problems. When a problem in a relationship goes unresolved for long enough, it tends to fester and breed bitterness and resentment. Most messy relationships have this in common, so you will need to think about whether or not this applies to your relationship.

6. There are things about your partner that you really hate
It is perfectly normally for there to be things about your partner that you just don’t like, but it’s a whole other story when there are a lot of things you hate. Hatred is a very strong word and an even stronger emotion, and it can easily lead to the death of a relationship.

7. You talk behind your partner’s back
Do you tend to talk about your partner behind their back to friends and family? If so, there is a very good chance that you are in quite a messy relationship that could use some cleaning up. The fact of the matter is that in a healthy relationship the two people involved just shouldn’t do this.

8. You are keeping your options open
If you find yourself keeping your options open mentally even though you are technically with someone in a monogamous relationship, you will definitely want to think about just how healthy the relationship is overall. A person who is truly happy in their relationship doesn’t seriously think about looking for other people to date.

9. You feel relief when you break up
One definitive sign that you are in fact in a messy relationship is that you actually feel a sense of relief each time you break up with the person. If you feel like this when you break up, you probably shouldn’t keep getting back together with them.

10. You find yourself bored with the person
Watch out for feelings of consistent boredom when you are in a relationship, because it can be a pretty clear sign that things just aren’t working out. If you are very bored with the person you are with all the time, it might be time to end things for good.

11. Your sex life isn’t what it used to be
Just about every messy and tumultuous relationship has one thing in common, which is that the sex isn’t nearly as good as it used to be. If your physical intimacy is being affected in a very negative way, you will need to take a close look at the nature of your relationship and what you can do to improve it.

12. You are constantly trying to chance each other
You should be completely happy with the person that you are in a relationship with, which means that you shouldn’t keep trying to change each other. Everyone has flaws and it’s important that you are okay with your partner’s.

13. You don’t trust each other
Trust really is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and yours won’t be able to survive unless you have it going both ways. If you don’t trust each other, don’t expect the relationship to endure.

14. You don’t go on dates together anymore
Every couple should have a date night that they go on at least once a week. If you have stopped this tradition, it is time to start it back up again right away.

15. You find yourself thinking about other men/women a lot
It’s perfectly natural to think and fantasize about other people sexually from time to time, but it’s a very bad sign if you find yourself doing this on a regular basis.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.

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