A sapiosexual is simply a person who is attracted to a person’s intellect much more than their physical body. There are sure telltale signs that you will want to know about that may help you determine whether or not you should start identifying this way.

Signs You’re a Sapiosexual

1. Witty Conversation appeals to you more than foreplay
For people who are genuinely sapiosexual, a pleasant, witty conversation can be far better than any physical foreplay ever could. If you find that you really enjoy having an intellectual discussion with someone about politics, art or something else, you might just want to start identifying as sapiosexual. Most people like a good philosophical conversation once in a while, but sapiosexuals crave it like most people crave sex.

2. Your Ideal First Date is Intellectually Engaging
While a lot of people’s perfect idea of a first date involves going to dinner and a movie, a sapiosexual may instead want to stroll through the aisles of a bookstore with the person they are interested in. If you’d like to discuss intellectual things more than going mini golfing or to the movies, this is yet another sign that you could be a sapiosexual.

3. You value Emotional Intelligence
It’s probably fair to say that most people think that being smart just means book smarts. Still, most sapiosexual people place a lot of value and emphasis on finding someone who is emotionally intelligent as well. Being “emotionally smart” means that you have a decent amount of empathy and can, therefore, react appropriately to the things people say and do to you.

4. You are more impressed by Humility than Credentials
Many sapiosexuals tend to be more impressed by a person’s humility rather than the various accomplishments they list off. If you want someone who doesn’t brag about themselves, you might just be a sapiosexual. These days, it seems like a lot of people value arrogance, but that is not always the case. Sometimes, people value humility above all else, and that includes those who fall into this particular group.

5. You Detest Small Talk
If you cannot stand talking about how bad the weather has been lately or other common small talk subjects, you may be sapiosexual. People who identify in this way tend to prefer having deep, meaningful conversations of an intellectual nature rather than discussing mundane things because of how much doing so bores them.

6. You want to be with someone who has Taste
Sapiosexuals tend to want to be with people who have their sense of taste rather than jumping on the bandwagon for whatever is trendy at the moment. This means that these people prefer things like small live music venues over large stadium concerts, though that is only sometimes the case. The important thing to most sapiosexuals is that the person they are with or dating has similar tastes to their own, but not necessarily the same. Ask yourself just how important it is that the person you date like the same things you do.

7. Grammar Matters
Do you constantly find yourself getting extremely annoyed when people do not respond to your text messages with proper grammar? This is actually very important to most sapiosexuals.

8. You are attracted to Intelligence Above all else
One of the hallmarks of sapiosexuality is being attracted to intelligence, both intellectual and emotional, above all else. If you tend to notice a person’s intellect before their physical appearance, you very well might fall into this group of people.

9. You want someone who really listens to you
Another way to tell if you are sapiosexual is that you want someone who will really listen to you instead of just hearing what you are saying. These days, a lot of people are just waiting for their turn to talk in a conversation instead of really listening, and this is something that most sapiosexuals pick up on easily.

10. You will only date someone who can hold their own in a conversation
If you refuse to settle for someone who cannot hold their own in an intellectual conversation, you might be sapiosexual. These people will only be interested in others who can have intellectual conversations without any issues whatsoever.

How to Deal with Being Sapiosexual

While there is certainly nothing wrong with being sapiosexual, it can be rather tricky at times. It is essential for people who fall under this particular category to realize that it might take a little bit longer for them to find someone they can be severe with. You will not want to settle for less than you really want, though, because you will just end up being miserable.

Being sapiosexual often means having to deal with talking with and dating quite a few people that you don’t really connect with. As frustrating as these experiences can be, they are necessary when it comes to finding someone that you can form a meaningful bond with on a deep level. Sapiosexuals sometimes give up on dating because of how difficult it is to find someone who really engages and challenges them, but you will not want to stop looking just because things get complicated.

If you are interested in online dating and create a profile on one of these kinds of websites, you must make it clear what you are looking for in a person because otherwise, you are going to end up dealing with a lot of frustration. The fact is that there are a lot of people who just don’t understand sapiosexuals, so you will most likely have to do quite a bit of explaining until you find that one person that you really click with.

Being sapiosexual can get pretty lonely at times, and you must recognize the difference between not settling and having too high of standards. The more you understand yourself, the better your chances will be of finding someone else that you will be pleased with.


Anna Perkins is a relationship writer who offers her own forthright opinion over the worlds of dating, romance, relationships , marriage and friendships. She loves cats, traveling, spending time with her son and husband.


  1. Mila Polevia Reply

    I just wanted to give you a big Mahalo for writing this article. It opened my eyes so wide as I try to navigate my life. I have often considered myself too strange for society because of my need for inspiring intellectual conversation above the “norms” of a sexual relationship; I just thought something was wrong with me. In most parts of my life, I’ve been shown proof that there isn’t anything abnormal about who I know I am, but this one point has always made me feel a little ashamed and not be as open and honest with my feelings and shelf them.
    But knowing what I know now through your article, a giant weight, golden shackles have fallen away. I can’t thank you enough, but maybe in sharing this, it may express in part me extreme gratitude. Mahalo nui loa and blesses peace to you, Anna.

    Mila Polevia

  2. Beverly Hoover-Beattie Reply

    I’ve been sapiosexual all of my life. There has been many ntelligent men in my life. First off, I’m 65 and still enjoy men. II’m a widow of 9 yrsq and was married 13 yrs to a very intelligent, vibrant, compassionate and sensual man. Here the issue lies!…..I say that with a smile….We had a very intelligent and provocative relationship. I’m very sensual and sexual but driven by intelligence first. Number 1 says intelligence is almost more stimulating than “physical foreplay.” I believe intelligence and sexual foreplay enhances each other greatly! They go hand in hand. When I have the intellectual part of the relation, my sensuality and sexuality becomes much greater! Needless,to say, I spend many lonely days and nights alone. The dating world sets up many challenging situations, which honestly I’m burned out with.I I miss the bond of an intellectual companion. Definitely not looking for marriage, but definitely know my wants and desires. I never give up on dating but it’s difficult. Any words of wisdom is accepted open heartedly. And yes, “emotional intelligence ” is imperative.!” Without it, there is NO relationship.!

  3. Wow so I am normal after all I’ve always thought I am weird for wanting to have an intellectual conversation with someone and find that attractive than anything else.

  4. WOWWWWW!!! Thanks! I just now discovered who the hell I am.

    I appreciate you, immensely.

    A ~

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