09 Aug 2012

Why Do Some People Hate Romance?

No Comments Relationships

As someone who is not afraid to offer a different perspective, we asked Tim Garrent to provided us with an alternative viewpoint on why some people hate romance. Give your own thoughts by commenting below.

There is a backlash against romance in this country, and it’s an interesting phenomenon. It seems there are people who simply dislike, even hate, the whole idea of romantic love, and for many reasons. You can see evidence of this feeling in a number of ways – there have been sitcoms, TV shows and movies where the notion of a man or a woman having a romantic side is seen as a deficit, a character flaw, or a downright dishonest subterfuge. A renewed interest in casual sex via hookups made on internet dating sites is proof of a distaste for romance, because for these participants it would just get in the way of a good time. Even on the self-help bookshelves, you can find warnings against romantic love, and see it treated as an addiction needing rehabilitation. So why is it that romance is hated by some?

Romance In Our Time
Unfortunately, there is a history in our culture of seeing romance as impractical, un-business-like, untrustworthy, and even dangerous in certain circumstances. It has been depicted as impractical because it is a barrier to partners being hard-headed and realistic about their chances as a couple, and has influenced some people to make mistakes in their relationships. For similar reasons, romance is believed by some to have a quality of fantasy, of being not a serious, business-like way to feel – and of course it isn’t. Romantic love and sentiment can’t be trusted because the person feeling it has clouded judgement, and is much more liable to get involved with an unsuitable partner. And for all these reasons it can be dangerous, because there are predators out there who take advantage of gullible romantics, and won’t hesitate to take their money or their lives.

Fake Feelings
Another problem inherent in the idea of romance is that it is easy to pretend to be romantic, while having other motives. Being a romantic has been seen as being a manipulator, someone who is superb at acting as though he or she is in love, apparently demonstrating the depth of their affection with romantic gestures and behaviors, all the while having quite different feelings on the inside. In other words, really romantic people are often, if not always, phonies. They are not being genuine, real, or truthful, and they cannot be trusted.

Rarity Of Real Romance
Let’s face it, there’s a lot of truth to these views. Romance has been co-opted by Madison Avenue to sell everything from bras to floor cleaners, and womanizing cads and gold-digging women employ romantic sentiment to their advantage in our literature and media. To see real romance in action between two lovers in an authentic relationship is a rare thing. In many ways real romance has been cheapened by being over-used and overexposed in modern life, and many of us wouldn’t recognize it if it kissed us on the mouth.

Hate The Romantic – Not The Romance
So the solution to this problem is to redirect and refocus. Don’t see romance as being something to despise in all of its forms and varieties, but look at how it is misused by imperfect human beings. When being romantic means that you are seen as weak and not fit for contributing to the gene pool, the negative energy is being misdirected. Romance is a very beautiful, benevolent, and even sacred thing when it is real., and does not deserve to be hated.


Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer. She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including YourTango.com and GalTime.com. As seen on FoxNews.com, Cosmopolitan.com, DivineCaroline.com and CanadianLiving.com to name but a few.

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