I have so many girlfriends who say the very same thing about their husbands: if I’d only known how my marriage would turn out, I would have done things differently, if I had known what he was really like, I never would have married him, if I could have been a little more picky and a lot less hasty, I would not have made such a rash decision. In other words, woulda, shoulda, and coulda are their best friends. And rightly so, because hindsight is 20/20 for all of us, and we all have wished at times that we could turn back the clock. So for my friends who haven’t yet made a decision they will regret, here are some brutally honest signs that he isn’t going to be your Prince Charming, and that he’ll be a bad choice for a partner.
He Has No Friends
I don’t mean that he only has a couple of close friends – I mean there are none. This may take a while to find out, so be careful and try to ascertain the truth before things go too far. Ask him what he likes to do with his friends, if they are old or new, and so on. If he is at all reticent and it becomes apparent that he is lacking in the friendship department, it’s a bad sign. It means that he has either had friends and lost them, or he never had any. Either way, not good.
His Friends Are Jerks
He has friends, and you finally get to meet some of them. Strangely enough, almost every one of them is a creep, a jerk, a loser, or a user. As you see their interaction with your potential dream guy, you see that he is either unaware of what these people in his life are really like, or that he knows but doesn’t care. Again, either way, you lose if you go any further with this kind of man.
His Parents Don’t Like Him
The only way you’ll know if this is indeed the case is if he lives near his parents. As soon as you can, have a conversation about your parents, where they live, what they do, how often you see them, and what you did the last time you visited. Then you can turn the tables and ask him a general question about his parents. Of course, you should leave some room for doubt – after all, we all have times when we are feeling disconnected from our parents or there is good reason for communication to be sketchy. But you’ll be able to get a good idea about their relationship at the least. If there isn’t a relationship and there should be, that’s not a good sign.
He Avoids Old Haunts
Sometimes people don’t like to go to places they were in the habit of hanging out in for good reasons. But sometimes he doesn’t want to revisit his old special spots because of things that happened there, because he might run into someone he knows and or owes, or because the painful memories are too much to bear. If the latter is his claim, try to find out more of the story. But if it simply seems like he’s avoiding these places for no good reason, take it as a sign that he needs to move on every once in a while, and not because he has wanderlust.
No One Else Wants Him
If you’re the only woman around that seems to be pursuing this guy, you probably should ask yourself why, and try to answer the question honestly. There could be many reasons that there is no competition, and some of them could be just fine. But if it is eerily quiet around the guy when you enter a restaurant or bar, and you’re not worrying about a single challenge to your hold on him, maybe there’s a bad reason – and that’s not a good sign.
Of course, if you don’t heed the signals and decide that you just can’t live without him no matter what, you’ll have only yourself to blame. And years from now you’ll be sitting with your friends, saying, gosh, if I’d only known. How easy we forget the important things!