Writing love letters to your partner takes time and thought – after all, you are trying to capture your deep feelings of adoration and put them into words. But what about writing letters to someone you love, when they aren’t your boyfriend or girlfriend? There is a vulnerability involved as questions begin to come into your mind, once you sit down with paper and pen (Will I scare him/her off by declaring my true feelings? Will I lose our friendship? Will I sound silly/corny?). The following tips are here to show you how to write a heartfelt love letter to someone who isn’t aware of your romantic feelings for him/her, so you can confidently express your love for the first time.
DON’T START OFF TOO STRONG
Assuming that the person you love is unaware of your feelings, you will want to ease into your declaration of love. The objective in your letter isn’t to “get your feelings off your chest” but instead to express how much your current relationship and this person means to you. You want to show the object of your affection that you both already have the makings of a healthy, happy relationship and that becoming romantic, in your eyes, would only add to the perfection.
TALK ABOUT THE HIGHLIGHTS OF YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP
You can begin by stating how grateful you are to have him/her in your life, how much you treasure your friendship. When possible, give specifics as to special memories you hold dear when you were together, in both the past and present. Examples would be sharing your feelings on how much it meant when she took care of you after your surgery (the past), or how your weekend hikes in the mountains are the highlight of your week (the present).
TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM/HER SPECIFICALLY
Without declaring your love just yet, it is time to tell the person what you love about him/her. Beginning with an opening line such as “I have never met someone like you before,” you can follow up with examples of why you feel so lucky to have the individual in your life. Keep in mind, though it is certainly acceptable to offer a few compliments regarding physical characteristics (your beautiful green eyes show me you really listen when I talk, your gorgeous smile is contagious to anyone around you), don’t dwell on the physical. Healthy love runs much deeper than just what’s on the outside.
It is important to really express here what is attractive to you on the inside. Things such as a caring/giving nature, ability to always make you laugh, positive attitude on life – whatever gives you goosebumps when you are around your love, those are the characteristics you are drawn to and should express in your love letter.
THE DECLARATION OF LOVE
After you’ve explained how much you value your friendship and current relationship, in addition to explaining all of the qualities you adore in this person, it is time for the declaration of love. Again, do not come on too strong. What you’ve done up to this point is put down all of the valid reasons why you feel you both should become more than friends. Now you simply need to say something such as, “for all of these reasons it seems clear to me we have the makings of a perfect relationship.” Then, in your own words, you can elaborate by explaining that you cannot imagine a time in your future where he/she isn’t in it, gently introducing that it would feel only natural and good to become more than friends.
ALLOWING AN OUT (SAVING THE FRIENDSHIP)
One of the biggest fears people have, when announcing romantic feelings to a good friend, is that they will lose the friendship if their love doesn’t feel the same. Of course, you may be pleasantly surprised to find out that he/she has felt the same way for a long time! But in some cases, the object of your affection just might not feel the same – at least not right now.
To save the friendship, be sure to allow an out so that there isn’t pressure or discomfort on the person reading it. You can conclude by saying something such as the following:
“So I am expressing my romantic love for you, my desire to become more than friends. But make no mistake, if you don’t feel the same, that having you in my life means more to me than anything else. I would never want to jeopardize or lose our friendship and am so happy just to walk this world with you, whether friends or lovers.”
Declaring your feelings in a love letter, to someone who doesn’t know how you feel, can be a bit intimidating and scary. But many couples will tell you that it was worth the risk because, whether right after the love letter was read or over time, both people came to recognize that they shared a special bond…and lived happily ever after as a couple in love.