29 Oct 2012

How Long Do I Need To Wait Before Proposing?

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Hi Grace,

I met my girlfriend about 2 months ago and I know that she is the one for me, so I want to show her that by proposing. The only thing holding me back is the fact that we haven’t been seeing each other for that long – is 2 months too short a time to be together before proposing? I wouldn’t want to freak her out or anything, but I really feel like this is right, so why should we wait? Would love to know your thoughts.

Thanks, Dan

guy proposing

Dear Dan,

Whenever I hear from eager, probably young, lovers such as you I breathe a sigh of relief. There is still romance and passion in the world, and men and women are still meeting and falling deeply in love with each other. It gives me hope and inspiration, and makes my day!

With that said, I have to say that I am a bit concerned by your letter and your question. Let’s start at the beginning. You have known your lover for a couple of months and already you are certain that she is the one you want to marry and spend your life with. OK – this kind of love does happen once in a while, and I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. After all, I only have your words and nothing else to go by.

But then you indicate that the act of proposing marriage is going to demonstrate to her how much you love her and how right you two are for each other. That may be a secondary effect of a proposal, but it’s not the main purpose. When you propose you are asking for a commitment from someone who you are pretty sure is willing to say yes, and who feels the same way that you do. The demonstrations of love and the “proving” of how right you are together is something that should come before you propose, in my humble opinion.

As for your question about it being too soon to propose, the short answer is that there is of course no magic number. I will say that your own words – “we haven’t been seeing each other that long” – make me think that you are not entirely certain of what will happen if you propose. And while whirlwind romances have succeeded, there is a reason for norms and standards in a general sense. Two months is not a long time and it’s difficult for a couple to really get to know each other in that short of a time. Until you both have that free and easy knowledge of each other, and you have expressed your feelings about each other, I would say that you do need more time.

And make no mistake, it’s feelings that matter – hers and yours. Most couples arrive at a point of just knowing that the time is right, and they usually get there together. Real life doesn’t often happen like the movies, and things that take time really do need time as a general rule.

Dan, you clearly love your girlfriend, so my advice to you is to ask yourself, what’s the hurry? And then take some time so that you have absolutely no doubt that both of you are on the same page. You’ll know when the moment for a proposal is right, and you’ll be glad you waited.

Please let me know how you get on and my best wishes to both of you,

Love
Grace

About

Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer. She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including YourTango.com and GalTime.com. As seen on FoxNews.com, Cosmopolitan.com, DivineCaroline.com and CanadianLiving.com to name but a few.

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