25 Apr 2012

How Do Girls Feel About Anonymous Love Letters?

1 Comment Featured Articles, Love Letters, Readers' Questions

Hi Grace

I have written a really heartfelt letter to a girl at my high school who I am crazy about. It explains how I feel about her and what I love the most. I was going to sign it annonymously. Do you think that’s a good idea? Do you think she will be flattered and think it’s a cute gesture or could it come across as being creepy?

The letter is very complimentary and there’s nothing vulgar or anything in it. I’m just not sure how I feel about telling her it’s from me as I don’t know how she will feel about it and don’t want to scare her off.



Hi Paul,

You sound like a true gentleman that any girl would be lucky to have.

I know that high school can be a difficult time, with a lot of peer pressure, worrying about being ridiculed by classmates or, the worst – having your heart broken. It is natural that you would want to stay anonymous at your age, because honestly and openly expressing your love for a girl in your high school is a scary thing and makes you feel vulnerable to all sorts of hurt.

However, if you really like this girl and you want to show her just how much, the best way to do it is by letting her know how you feel and signing that love letter.

There are many reasons why an anonymous love letter isn’t the best option. You mentioned one yourself, asking if girls consider them “creepy.” Of course, young women all have their own unique personalities, so some might find them charming while others will be uncomfortable with them.

The one thing all anonymous letters have in common, no matter how the girl responds, is that they draw MORE attention. If you are worried that this girl will not feel the same about you, imagine how many people she will share your letter with until you solve the mystery by revealing yourself. Some young adults make the mistake of thinking that being anonymous will keep things quiet, but actually it makes your feelings more public because at some point you have to tell her who you are to find out how she feels.

The next reason staying anonymous isn’t the best option is that it has one major problem – how will you know her feelings, if she likes you, unless she knows it is you? You see the flaw, Paul? How can you ever know how she feels if she doesn’t know the letter is from you? So you will eventually have to tell her one day – and no better time like the present.

Another problem with anonymity is that you are stalling a potential relationship, leaving time for someone else to ask her out. Being anonymous means that nothing can happen until you let your love know how you feel so you can discover if she feels the same. While she may be excited about your anonymous letter, she will never be able to act on it without you coming forward – and she could decide to date someone else because she doesn’t know if she’ll ever hear from you again.

Most importantly, an anonymous letter isn’t the best idea because a young woman will be impressed with your self-confidence when you either sign the love letter or express your feelings face to face with her. Again, it is normal to feel nervous and fear rejection but think of how good it will feel when you find the courage to just express your feelings.

Paul, though some girls might find an anonymous letter fun and mysterious, it doesn’t help you with your goal of starting a relationship with the girl you like so much. I wish you the best of luck and even if she turns out to not feel the same way, I have enough experience to know that there are many young women out there that will love such a warm, romantic young man like you.

Best wishes


Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer. She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including YourTango.com and GalTime.com. As seen on FoxNews.com, Cosmopolitan.com, DivineCaroline.com and CanadianLiving.com to name but a few.

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One Response to “How Do Girls Feel About Anonymous Love Letters?”

  1. Reply Rosemary says:

    Grace, your advice in this situation is perfect. The teenage years are so intense, filled with experiences that help us make the transition into adulthood. Even when we are older, it can sometimes be difficult to handle our emotions with confidence. This is a wonderful opportunity for this young man to start developing those important emotional skills.

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