04 Mar 2013

How Can I Be More Romantic Towards My Girlfriend?

4 Comments Featured Articles, Readers' Questions

Hi Grace,

My girlfriend has mentioned on quite a few occasions that she doesn’t think I’m romantic, and I’d have to agree with her! It seems to bother her quite a bit and I’m worried my lack of romantic gestures are making her think I’m not crazy about her, when I really am. Money is an issue, so it’s not as if I could just spontaneously take her to Paris for a weekend. How can I be more romantic and show my real feelings without spending too much money?



Dear Tom,

I am so happy to see that you have the courage to be honest about your situation – most people who are called unromantic by their partners would not want to admit it. But by owning up and wanting to try to do something about it, you’re miles ahead of most of us. Don’t be discouraged, either, by what your girlfriend or I have to say about it – not everyone is a natural romantic, and for many it has to be learned. And it’s not that you’re defective – so much depends on what your role models (parents and other adults) were like when you were growing up, your experiences with peers as a male teen (teenage boys are usually, decidedly, not romantic), and your attitudes acquired from books, movies and the Internet. So, you’re not alone, but how do you fix yourself now that you have decided that’s what you want to do?

The first step (after asking for help as you have done) is helping yourself by doing all the research on the topic you can. If you are handy with the Internet, then find websites and resources that talk about how to be romantic – these sites will give you lots of ideas and ways to be romantic that you may never have thought about, and that don’t cost an arm and a leg. Another great way to learn is to go to a bookstore and find the self-help section, where there are usually a couple of shelves devoted to being a better lover, a more romantic partner, and so on.

Then you have to start by trying out the ideas you have learned. For example, much advice about romance tells you to plan a romantic event like a picnic or a day at the amusement park ahead of time, present it as a special occasion to your girlfriend, then make it one – by giving her flowers, candy, a small gift, or anything that shows you are thinking about her. You want to make sure that she understands your message – that you love her very much, and want to be the best romantic mate you can be, and it doesn’t take a lot of money to do that.

Above all, remember that it’s the little things, the small gestures, that count in this situation, and that will show her how you feel and reveal your hidden romantic side. It’s the everyday romance that matters, the favors, the compliments, the kind words, the interest in her as a person, the massages and foot-rubs – all of these are immensely important for demonstrating your real sentiments. In the end, she’ll appreciate all of those acts much more than any silly trip to Paris, and so will your bank account!



Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer. She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including YourTango.com and GalTime.com. As seen on FoxNews.com, Cosmopolitan.com, DivineCaroline.com and CanadianLiving.com to name but a few.

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4 Responses to “How Can I Be More Romantic Towards My Girlfriend?”

  1. Reply Rosemary says:

    Great advice as always, Grace! It is the little things over time that create an overall sense of romance much more than the occasional grand gestures. (Oh, yes, grand gestures are nice, too, but only if you can afford them!) I would also suggest reading “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Sometimes you need to learn to show your love in the way your partner is most likely to understand it. It may be simpler than you think.

    • Reply Grace Pamer says:

      Thank you for your comment, Rosemary! The little things are daily reminders that we have someone who loves us more than anything in the world, and I think that’s a great feeling to have every day! Even if it’s only something small and meaningful to the two of you and your relationship, that just makes it all the more special.

      And great suggestion, I’ll have to check that one out and get inspired myself!

  2. Reply Tammy R says:

    I love how you say it’s the small, every day gestures that matter. So true! After 15 years of marriage, I have to say it’s the extra few seconds he takes to look at me with sparkly eyes before he walks into the other room or taking time to walk across the room to kiss me on the shoulder. That really melts my heart.

    We both had to learn it and make it a habit because neither of us grew up with models.

    • Reply Grace Pamer says:

      This is so sweet Tammy! I agree that it’s sometimes something we have to learn and make a habit of – such gestures don’t come so easily to some of us – but the fact that you’re both making a conscious effort to show your feelings for each other every day is really touching!

      Thank you for such an inspiring comment!

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