In our modern life we have many myths about first love, and we gladly buy into most of them. For example, everyone says that you never forget your first romantic love, and of course that’s true. But it’s also true that you mostly remember the good and beautiful things that happened in a rosy, romantic glow, while you conveniently forget the bad – the awkwardness, the not knowing what to do, the feeling that you could mess this up at any time, that there must be some mistake, and so on.
Maybe by “never forget,” we really mean that all subsequent romances pale in comparison – that there will never be another love like the first one. Again, in many ways that’s accurate, because there can only be one first love ever by definition, just like there can only be one first kiss, first date, first make out session, etc. It’s the newness that we miss, the intensity that comes from a new experience. Intensity certainly happens in mature romance, but there’s nothing like that sense of being young and in love for intensity that’s one of a kind and then gone forever.
There is a sweet quality to the first love that we miss as well, a sweetness that can only come from innocence moving into experience – something else that can only happen once, and then everything changes forever. And the other facet of first love that we miss is the romantic sensibility of youth – we didn’t have to worry about niceties like being polite, being thoughtful, being considerate – not to say that we were mean, but it wasn’t as important as just being there, and being in the moment, being in the haze of youthful love.
So it’s alright if you miss the romance of your first love, because while the rosy glow can never be relived, you can use the memory of that time to propel you into the present, and to improve your love life in the here and now. Remembering that all-important first love can help you regain a spark that might be missing in your current situation. If you think about your earliest romance, you’ll undoubtedly dredge up some memories that aren’t so sweet – those clumsy moments when you should have said something, those times when you weren’t very romantic but were definitely more selfish.
Take those lessons in how not to be romantic and use them to be a better lover and romantic partner. Look at your wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend, and imagine that he or she is your very first love. Remember how you felt at the slightest touch, how you seemed to thrill to your very soul just to hear his or her voice. Take that feeling and let it flow into the present. The love of your life is the one you’re with right now. Your partner deserves to feel like the first, so go ahead and miss the romance of your first love – but use it to make your present a better one for both of you.