08 Aug 2012

Do Soulmates Exist?

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If I could pick only one article for the entire world to read, it would be “Do Soulmates Exist” that was featured in Psychology Today. Of course, the main reason for my enthusiasm is its positive and refreshing approach on the whole tangled web of love – the searching for a mate, the euphoria and often the despair. However, I feel its concepts can be applied to living a mindful life in general, even with life events or relationships that aren’t romance driven.

In the article, the idea is brought up that people should not search for “the one” but, instead, they should recognize that we all have many potential “lifemates.” I love this concept. When someone believes there is only one person out there, not only do they not live in the moment while searching for this special individual, they can even feel “what if I missed him/her?” What’s worse is if they believe they already found “the one” – what happens if that relationship dissolves – is life not worth living anymore because the search is over?

This is where the concept of lifemates comes in. The idea is that people enter our lives to teach us things at that particular point in time, no matter if they are only with us for a short time or for eternity. The perfect mate, an honest and trustworthy individual, might have arrived at a time when you needed to learn to trust people again after being betrayed by a best friend. Perhaps two years later the relationship will end for various reasons, but your lifemate made a positive impact on your life.

When relationships end, people can get entangled in hurt and even hate, spending their energy on attempting to heal wounds through negative actions and thoughts. If this experience happens many times over, one is left feeling he/she has had a lifetime of bad relationships and is basically doomed where love is concerned. The concept of lifemates, however, reverses that thinking process. It makes you reflect on the positives in the relationship – acknowledging what gift your lifemate brought you during your partnership.

What a beautiful concept – finding the good or the lesson to be learned in all life experiences and relationships. I believe that life is like a school and we are here to learn from every experience, both good and bad. Living in the moment is the key to happiness while on this earth. To waste precious seconds dwelling on the unfairness of the past or desperately searching for the perfect future is not actually living and can lead to an extremely unfulfilled life.

With lifemates we see that we have grown through our experience. Think of how something as catastrophic as losing a job can push someone to change their life and follow their dreams. Or how someone who was completely dependent on a lover, once the lover walks out, is now motivated to become self-reliant. In pain, goodness can be found. When it comes to love, if you see the world as one full of many lifemates, there is no need to grieve over or tirelessly search for “the one.” For every relationship has a unique purpose, even those that aren’t romantic, and it is our job to reflect on how we’ve grown from the experience.


Grace Pamer is a full time romance and relationship writer. She writes romance and marriage proposal tip columns for various publications including YourTango.com and GalTime.com. As seen on FoxNews.com, Cosmopolitan.com, DivineCaroline.com and CanadianLiving.com to name but a few.

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